two walks in one day!

my name spartacus and i went for two walks in one day! usually if my daddy walks Cookie to her friend's house he will take me, but he doesn't take me when he walks her home. this time he decided to take me to go get her too! two walks in one day! i was so excited and Honey came with us too. but that's not even the best part.

when we were on the second walk, i stopped to pee on a weed. something didn't seem right so i glanced back and saw, to my horror and delight, that i was peeing on my daddy's leg! he was wearing pants so he didn't feel it yet. i thought maybe if i just act like i don't notice and hurry up and finish it would just be my little secret. so that when ever he yells at me i will always have that. but when i was almost done i heard, "Hey! He's peeing on my leg! Spartacus!"

i thought i was really gonna get it until i heard Honey laughing. she laughed and said, "He thinks he owns you now." good one, Honey. If one of my sisters are there and they are laughing then i am always safe. that's one reason i love to hear them laugh.

we picked up Cookie and daddy told her about it and she laughed too.

i'm a baaaaaaaad booooooyyyyy...

my name spartacus and i am a trashaholic. the thing is, if you leave half eaten peepole food in an open trash bag and the bag is outside of the trash can and just sitting there on the floor, open and calling to me and all the peepoles are asleep, if you do that then you have condemned me to gluttony and you are an accomplice. also, in my defense, i had emptied my bowl earlier and my daddy had yet to go get me more of my food... wait - i did this actually after he got me more food and my bowl was embarrassingly full so scratch that.

i knew what i was doing was wrong while i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. it's like when i steal food. i just do it without thinking (which is pretty much how i approach everything i do) and then afterwards i feel completely... satisfied. since i wasn't caught in the act i thought i had gotten away with one, but in the morning i heard, "SPARTACUS!" in my daddy's tone that is never followed by a belly rub or a treat. so i slowly walk away. perhaps there is another spartacus here abouts. i'll help you find him. i'll check under the desk.

but how did he know?! aaahhh! the trash i dragged out! it's still there where i left it! but how does he know it was me?! he's good. too good...

well, after i got caught and was yelled at, i was properly ashamed. i ducked my head and wagged my tail with admission and regret of my sin. the sooner and more convincingly i do this the sooner i am forgiven and free to go about my business. and each time we are both satisfied i learned my lesson and i will never do it again. ")"

i am the egg dog, goo goo g'joob!

my name spartacus. sorry i haven't blogged in a while, but i found this old rawhide bone under my biggest sister's bed and it was covered with dust bunnies and i think there might have even been a dead bug on it. what awesome luck i have!

speaking of bunnies, i been meaning to tell you about a strange day i had last week or last year the other day. if you follow my blog, you know i'm not good with how time works so i don't know how long ago it was. all i can say for sure is it was not today and it happened in the past not the future.

one night, in the middle of the night i heard a noise. i also smelled something squirel-ish (and you know how i feel about them) so i got up to see what was up. you can't believe it! i saw a really big bunny rabbit hopping out of our house (he was considerate enough to close the door behind him). i was disappointed i didn't catch him, but i thought if i was lucky he might have left some poop behind and i'd better check. when i looked in my parents' room (my sisters slept there that night), i saw two baskets full of toys and candy. i quickly deduced that the bunny rabbit was attempting to steal these baskets and i had foiled his robbery. alas my fambly will never know that i saved the day yet again. i'm a lot like batman if batman were a dog and didn't wear a costume and wasn't rich.

but that's not the only weirdness that day. my sisters were given a bunch of toy eggs to play with. what kind of a toy is a toy egg?! but the eggs opened in half and they had candy and stuff in them! so maybe they were real. then when my daddy got home, he took all the eggs away from my sisters and hid them in the backyard! i don't know what they did wrong, but this seemed uncalled for and just mean. so when he hid an egg i would run and grab it and run like crazy! with my help my sisters found all the eggs, but then they asked him to do it again!

weird day, but my sisters had lotsa fun and i helped them find eggs and ran around alot.

you've got hail

my name spartacus. yesterday a weird thing happened. ice cubes fell from the sky! have you ever seen anything like that? my daddy called it, "hail". when ice cubes fall from the refrigerator they are called, "ice cubes". when they fall from the sky they are called, "hail".

my daddy was looking out the back door and he goes, "those are awfully big rain drops. and they're hard too. they're bouncing off the grass. hey girls! it's hailing!" so we all went outside and watched it bounce off each others heads. at first it looked like they were popping out of the ground and my daddy and sisters laughed at me cause i got excited and jumped at them like i would when i chase a ball or sumpin. then i chewed them a little the same as i do with the ice cubes that fall from the refrigerator.

it's strange to see ice fall from the sky but i figured out how it works. you see there is a gigantic refrigerator in heaven and when an angel or somebody gets ice for a drink, they sometimes drop some too just like peepole do when they use their mortal ice makers. isn't science fascinating?!

i think they should call it "haiven" instead of "hail". somebody's getting ice! gtg!

how to greet your mother

my name spartacus. the other day i had to show my whole fambly how they're supposed to greet mommy when she comes home from beyond the door. i don't know where she goes (or where any of them go) but i know she comes home late and she has to go away sometimes on the days she's supposed to not have to go (i know this cause she has the same not go days as my sisters most of the time except on the days she has to go anyway. capiche?). anyway, when she gets home, she's carrying a bunch of stuff and she looks tired. the thing is, i would greet her the way i do anyway because she's my mommy, but this is just an example of why she deserves it.

you prolly do this too, but here's what i had to show my fambly to do...

first you gotta be at the door and ready for her when she walks in. this will show her that you are so happy she's home, you just couldn't wait. to do this you have to have one ear always tuned into cars and car doors. you also have to know when it's her car and not one of your suspicious looking neighbors - likely up to no good.

when she opens the door you are right there wagging your tail with an exclamation point. then you gently get up on your hind legs and lean on her so you can give her a hug. she will say, "hi" and pet you and stuff and then you give her the original french kiss.

then you grab something, anything, and you walk around in circles crying because you're beside yourself with joy. (or maybe that's just me)

and that's how you greet your mother when she gets home (my sisters too. even my daddy.). this way the first thing she does when she gets home - no matter how crummy her day might have been - is smile.

adoption story part III

my name spartacus. that was the name my first fambly gave me. my new daddy liked it and wanted to keep it my name. i was glad on accounta i didn't wanna become a "Tuffy" or a "Prince" or a "Bingo". i know that my daddy always wanted to name a dog, "The Beatles". Whew!

so they brought me to my new home in my new van. they let me check the place out and then when i made my final decision to take the place i naturally peed on it. this was against one of their zillions of rules. top of the list i would say. they threw a barrage of "no's" at me and took me out back. ok, no peeing in the house. got it. no digging holes here either?! check. no chewing my sisters' toys; check. no tearing up door frames; oops. no stealing food; working on it. and on and on. rules for everything!

they took me to the dogtor and she told them that the terrier part of me was boston. then, as i told you before she found where someone had inscribed, "1 year old" on one of my teeth.

so everything was great. my sisters are awesome and i was getting lots of love from my new fambly. i got my own bed (which i'm nice enough to share with my mommy and daddy) i was comfortable and happy and off of death row. i even had my own cat! could it get any awesomer?!

then, one day, my daddy took me for a ride. it wasn't to my regular dogtor; it was a different dogtor that i didn't know. well one minute he's checking me out and being all nice to me and then next thing i know, i'm waking up wearing the cone of shame and a pain where my boys....use to be! Ahhhh! there's been a mistake! what did you do with them? what did you want with them?!! i've heard about this kinda thing. are you gonna sell them?! wait till my daddy gets here! put them back or you're gonna get such a smack with the paper! (my daddy doesn't smack me with the paper anymore because the entire fambly would yell at him)

when my daddy got there...he paid them!?! this was the plan?! to this day i don't know why they had to go, but apparently it was part of the deal so i don't hold it against them. when i thought about it; i had swapped a small cage, possible put down and two testicles for a loving fambly, a new house, car, free food, a/c, toys, a cat and her litter box. not a bad trade off and i'd do it again even knowing what was coming, but still...

anyway i soon settled in and got over my shyness. i still get in trouble once in a while, but everyone says i'm a good boy. and me and my fambly are living happily ever after.

the end...

well that's my rags to riches story. now here i am writing my own blog. sorry it took so long, but those naps aren't gonna take themselves. speaking of which... gtg!

p.s.

i am lucky i got a second chance. i am very happy with my fambly. be sure and tell your peepole to tell other peepole to adopt instead of buy and give some other good boy or girl a second chance like i got. tell them to check out petsmart or local pounds or aspca.org

adoption story part II

my name spartacus. so this nice pretty lady was looking at me through the bars and saying i was a handsome boy. i thought, in my dog brain, "ok. i'm listening. go on..." she called over the rest of the fambly; my future daddy and two sisters. my future daddy and i eyed each other suspiciously. my future sisters "oooo'd" and "awed" me, but they wanted a puppy. hmmm... i hope that nice lady is in charge.

they asked if they could take me out of my portable prison cell. so the warden let me out and they approached me cautiously (especially future daddy). my future sisters liked me, but they were peepole puppies. so they liked me the way peepole puppies will like any dog. they had their heart set on a puppy.

my future daddy said sumpin like, "yes he's a handsome boy, but he looks like he could have some pit bull in him and i don't want a pit bull cause of the girls." so they asked the warden if i was pit bull any. she said she thought i wasn't, but she didn't know what i was except for the boxer part.

so my future mommy and daddy talked about it and in the mean time i tried to look sad and be friendly and not pee on them.

it worked! between mommy's insistence and me holding my water, the next thing i know, they're signing papers and i'm going for a car ride with my new fambly! my "current" mommy, daddy and sisters!

to be continued....