sit! stay! blog!

my name spartacus. i'm a baaaaaad blogger. at first it wasn't my fault. i use my sister's computer and it crashed. i'm pretty sure i didn't crash it, but i hid just in case. anyhow, it took my daddy forever to get his friend to fix it. by the time he got it back i forgot i had a blog.

i become forgetful when it's so hot. also if it's too cold i forget stuff or if it's rainy or windy or perfect. what made me suddenly remember is when i got busted for playing with one of Cookie's barbies. mommy took a picture (it's like living with the paparazzi these days with her) and blogged about it (i swear the head was already off!) and i thought, hey what a good idea! i should do a blog! and then i remembered, "oh, i do!"

but that's not what i wanted to tell you. i just wanted to say that it is too hot to do anything outside except go to the bathroom. it's like i still get excited to go for a walk and everything, but half way through it i'm thinking, "this wasn't such a good idea." and on the way back i'm bringing up the rear. it looks like i'm walking my daddy.

the street is so hot i have to try not to keep my feet on it for more than a nano second. so i'm prancing around like one of those horses that sells beer until i can get to some grass or shade.

sometimes, when i forget how hot it is, i will ask someone to go out and play with me and then i fetch the ball once and return it straight to the door and inside to my pillow.

it's so hot that one time i got loose out front and ran in a big circle right back to the front door!

it's hot!

and our days of august are still to come. i don't know why they call them "dog days". we don't want them either!

early father's day

my name spartacus. today i gave my daddy an early father's day gift. i hung out with him while he worked in the front yard. he hooked my leash to a thing that screws into the ground for to hook leashes on and then he set my water bowl next to me in the shade.

he cut the grass and junk and made himself useful, but when he fixed the new door i made in the fence he covered up my window too! uuhhhh!

while he piddled away, some suspicious looking guys showed up and worked on the neighbor's yard. they were little guys and looked like my daddy, but they smelled different and were way more efficient. i growled at them, but my daddy said, "Spartacus!" in the tone that means "Knock it off!"

after a pleasant morning helping him we finished and went inside. he took a bath, which is dumb, and that was my early gift for father's day; keeping him company. happy father's day, daddy!

off the leash!

my name spartacus. today was glorious then not so hot cause it was so hot. first i got locked outta my own house! i'm not sure who locked me out, but i'll admit i was a bit irritated. so i scratched and knocked and dug and scratched and then i heard a car door. "what?! who could be visiting this early?" i ran to my window (a hole in the fence) and saw not someone coming, but my fambly leaving!

i'm not sure if i barked or not. i was in such a panic. i turned my window into a door and ran into the front of my house then when i was in front of the house, i realized i was in front of the house! yippee! i was thrilled by my freedom so i ran and peed like crazy. it was awesome until the pee ran out and i got tired and hot. i was panting so bad i looked like some kind of dog pervert and, plus, it was making me more thirsty than i already was.

being free in this heat was not all that it was cracked up to be. the thrill was gone; it melted under the rising sun and the street was getting too hot to walk on so i wandered back home desperate for a drink of water and a cool wood floor. i went back into the backyard and found some shade and waited and did some deep thinking... just kidding, i only waited.

although i did have an dog epiphany - inside: air conditioning, water, food, bed. outside: nope. this made me realize sumpin about myself. i discovered that i love to go outside, but i need an inside to go back into.

soon i heard another car and i went through my new door and saw the van pull up. i ran around to the side my daddy sits in and when he opened the door i greeted him. needless to say, he was surprised to see me. "Hi Spartacus! Hey! What are you doing out here?!" having a heat stroke! lemme in and pet me later! i went straight to the water bowl.

i guess daddy felt bad so he took me with him and my sisters for a snow cone. he let me walk to the van without a leash cause he figured i was too beaten down to run and he figured right. i went straight to the van door.

at the snow cone place Honey got cherry, Cookie got rainbow, daddy got strawberry and i got a water flavored snow cone. deelish! i made a new friend. a nice grandpa who was there with his little granddaughter. he said he loved dogs and fed me my snow cone. he was nice.

an eventful day for me, but now i'm back where i belong - in a nice temperature controlled house on my bed.... just as nature intended.

Breezy Rider

my name spartacus. i helped my mommy pick up my sisters from school on accounta my daddy was gone and we didn't know if he was ever coming back. then again i don't know if anyone is ever coming back. i been with my daddy to help pick my sisters before and it is Awesome! car rides are awesome anyway (as long as i don't end up at the dogtor's), but when we go to get my sisters they are even awesomer!

the best way to ride in a car is to stick your head out the window and smell the sights. i love the wind in my face and all the smells that it delivers. if only i could pee out of the window; that would make it perfect! you should also hop back and forth from the front to the back as much as possible cause you never know what you might be missing back there...or up there. and the best seat is the seat next to the driver; preferably with someone else already sitting there. oh, and if you can avoid it, try not to throw up in the car. this is frowned upon even if you intend to clean it up (which is also frowned upon)

so we pulled up to a big building and waited while all these "kids" came out (i don't know why peepole call their puppies little goats, but that's the word they use) mommy was ascared so she brought me to help her find Honey. there was so much to smell, but i smelled Honey before i saw her. i got excited and she is always happy to see me waiting for her in the car. then we went to another building and i watched from the car while Honey went to fetch Cookie. my sisters go to two different buildings and spend the day there doing dog knows what. Cookie is always happy to see me there in the car too. and i'm super excited when i see them cause i don't have any idea whats going on ever until i see them.

then, when we are all together, i try to sit on everyone's lap and a splendid time is had by all. mission accomplished! ")"

here are some declassified pictures of my mission:

two walks in one day!

my name spartacus and i went for two walks in one day! usually if my daddy walks Cookie to her friend's house he will take me, but he doesn't take me when he walks her home. this time he decided to take me to go get her too! two walks in one day! i was so excited and Honey came with us too. but that's not even the best part.

when we were on the second walk, i stopped to pee on a weed. something didn't seem right so i glanced back and saw, to my horror and delight, that i was peeing on my daddy's leg! he was wearing pants so he didn't feel it yet. i thought maybe if i just act like i don't notice and hurry up and finish it would just be my little secret. so that when ever he yells at me i will always have that. but when i was almost done i heard, "Hey! He's peeing on my leg! Spartacus!"

i thought i was really gonna get it until i heard Honey laughing. she laughed and said, "He thinks he owns you now." good one, Honey. If one of my sisters are there and they are laughing then i am always safe. that's one reason i love to hear them laugh.

we picked up Cookie and daddy told her about it and she laughed too.

i'm a baaaaaaaad booooooyyyyy...

my name spartacus and i am a trashaholic. the thing is, if you leave half eaten peepole food in an open trash bag and the bag is outside of the trash can and just sitting there on the floor, open and calling to me and all the peepoles are asleep, if you do that then you have condemned me to gluttony and you are an accomplice. also, in my defense, i had emptied my bowl earlier and my daddy had yet to go get me more of my food... wait - i did this actually after he got me more food and my bowl was embarrassingly full so scratch that.

i knew what i was doing was wrong while i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. it's like when i steal food. i just do it without thinking (which is pretty much how i approach everything i do) and then afterwards i feel completely... satisfied. since i wasn't caught in the act i thought i had gotten away with one, but in the morning i heard, "SPARTACUS!" in my daddy's tone that is never followed by a belly rub or a treat. so i slowly walk away. perhaps there is another spartacus here abouts. i'll help you find him. i'll check under the desk.

but how did he know?! aaahhh! the trash i dragged out! it's still there where i left it! but how does he know it was me?! he's good. too good...

well, after i got caught and was yelled at, i was properly ashamed. i ducked my head and wagged my tail with admission and regret of my sin. the sooner and more convincingly i do this the sooner i am forgiven and free to go about my business. and each time we are both satisfied i learned my lesson and i will never do it again. ")"

i am the egg dog, goo goo g'joob!

my name spartacus. sorry i haven't blogged in a while, but i found this old rawhide bone under my biggest sister's bed and it was covered with dust bunnies and i think there might have even been a dead bug on it. what awesome luck i have!

speaking of bunnies, i been meaning to tell you about a strange day i had last week or last year the other day. if you follow my blog, you know i'm not good with how time works so i don't know how long ago it was. all i can say for sure is it was not today and it happened in the past not the future.

one night, in the middle of the night i heard a noise. i also smelled something squirel-ish (and you know how i feel about them) so i got up to see what was up. you can't believe it! i saw a really big bunny rabbit hopping out of our house (he was considerate enough to close the door behind him). i was disappointed i didn't catch him, but i thought if i was lucky he might have left some poop behind and i'd better check. when i looked in my parents' room (my sisters slept there that night), i saw two baskets full of toys and candy. i quickly deduced that the bunny rabbit was attempting to steal these baskets and i had foiled his robbery. alas my fambly will never know that i saved the day yet again. i'm a lot like batman if batman were a dog and didn't wear a costume and wasn't rich.

but that's not the only weirdness that day. my sisters were given a bunch of toy eggs to play with. what kind of a toy is a toy egg?! but the eggs opened in half and they had candy and stuff in them! so maybe they were real. then when my daddy got home, he took all the eggs away from my sisters and hid them in the backyard! i don't know what they did wrong, but this seemed uncalled for and just mean. so when he hid an egg i would run and grab it and run like crazy! with my help my sisters found all the eggs, but then they asked him to do it again!

weird day, but my sisters had lotsa fun and i helped them find eggs and ran around alot.