i feel pretty or you snooze you lose where you snooze

my name spartacus. today my walk was very exciting. my sisters went too on their bikes. i don't have a bike cause i don't want one. it would be very hard to pee on stuff from my bike and i would prolly just end up peeing all over my bicycle. plus i'm a dog.

anyway, on my walk my daddy was speculatin' on why peepole stare at me so much. him and Honey said it was prolly cause either they think i'm a good looking' dog or they are wondering what breed i am. then all of a sudden a man asked my daddy what i was and then he said i was pretty. what a nice and smart man. i'm not sure, but i think this may have been the first time my daddy has been right about sumpin.

then guess what! i saw one of my dog Facebook friends! he was "posting" on a bush i had just posted on. i was so excited i couldn't stand it! we said hello and then i reposted on the bush. then he posted there again! so i pooped on the stinkin' thing and that settled the matter. my bush!

speaking of my daddy, mommy doesn't understand the rules of my bed. i have three beds in the my house and they are welcome to use them, but if they get up then as far as i'm concerned, that spot is open and if i take it then you need to find another spot cause this spot is nice and warm now. mommy should know this rule by now, but she always seems surprised to come back to my bedroom and find me in the spot she just vacated. sorry mommy; you snooze, i snooze where you were gonna snooze.

also daddy took my cat out somewhere. she didn't look too happy about it. then again i don't know what she looks like when she's happy. i don't understand how you could be going out and not be flipping out about it. cats.

mommy just came out of the bedroom! i got dibs on her spot! gtg!

random thoughts

my name spartacus. today 'I'm attending to Honey cause she's home sick. i have a helper now though. my cat is my helper. it's kinda like she's the nurse and i'm the dogtor. only i can't think of a clever name to combine cat and nurse so i just call her cat. so she sits next to Honey when i need to stretch my legs or go for a vomit or sumpin.

speaking of Honey being sick; used tissues are quite a treat if you can get them.

cat food is good. also it makes me vomit and that's like a kind of bonus to it. so really you get to eat it twice. some things are worth getting yelled at for.

i'm not sure if i blogged about this before, but i know a good way to get cold cuts. wait till your fambly is about to leave and ask to be let out. then go out to the middle of the yard and just sit there. when they realize you're not doing anything productive and have no intention of coming back in, they bring out the cold cuts to get you back in so they can leave. they will bribe you with turkey, chicken and even salami and pastrami. it's even better if it's cold and rainy outside cause when they see you sitting there miserable and shivering, they feel sorry for you and maybe you can get a hot dog or sumpin. it's worth it and you know how i hate the rain. try it!

i know how to play a game called "Quit it!" no, it's not where you do sumpin to annoy your father on purpose; it's a game where i'm called the "Golden Snitch" (i guess that's a new dog breed) and my fambly chases me around and who ever can catch me and get my toy from me wins. the first time we played my sisters rode on brooms, but now they just chase me without brooms. i like it cause i like any game where i'm being chased. you could chase me and call it, "Lettuce" and i would still like it.

vacuum cleaners suck!

Honey coughed! where is that nurse - cat?! gtg!

the longest b-day

my name spartacus. my birthday is from january 1 through february 28. this is on accounta nobody human knows when my actual b-day is on accounta i'm twice adopted (see adoption story, episodes I, II and III - not available in 3-D)

anyhow, if my dogtor is right, i'm about 35 dog years old. i'm still real playful and i like dog food, cat poop and dead flesh. i don't like sweets or veggies. so you can get me a toy or a hamburger (or a toy hamburger) or sumpin (don't get me cat poop cause it will get me in trouble).

so happy birthday to me! you better hurry and send me your b-day sentiments; only a couple weeks left of my b-day!

the cat is scratching in the litter box! oh kitty, you shouldn't have! gtg!

the pick up spartacus

my name spartacus. lately my daddy has been taking me with him and Cookie to pick up Honey when she gets done with what ever it is she does during the day.

when he takes me it makes my sisters real happy. Cookie says, "Yea!" and she wants to put the leash on me. then i go a little nutso and when we get in the car Cookie tells my daddy to roll the window down for me. if there is anything better than having the wind gushing into your face at a million miles an hour please let me know!

we get to this big ginormous house where they keep all the kids like Honey. we park and wait until they break free. i think it must be a coordinated plan cause first there is a mass breakout and then they all run to the get away cars waiting for them and high tail it outta there. the best part is when Honey sees me. i always see her first and wag my tail and then when she sees me she becomes happy no matter how bad a day she's had. she smiles real big and says, "Hi Spartacus!" real excited. i make her happy.

i have a theory about this big house: you know how your brothers and sisters keep getting bigger, but you never see them grow? you see where i'm going with this? that's why they're gone all day! all the peopole puppies go to the big house every day to be stretched! they stretch them until they can't take it anymore and then they break out.

so this is how peepoles get bigger. this is also why no one wants to get up in the morning. i just can't figure out how the parents work into this. i don't know where they go when they leave, but i do know the mommies and daddies help them get away.

anyway, they call these big houses school and that's what they do there. i don't thinks it's right. i want them to stay little. they should do what my daddy did; i bet he missed a LOT of school.

time to break out Honey! gtg!

the (not so) great escape!

my name spartacus. the other human day my daddy took me for a walk. my sisters came with me on their bicycles. it was a nice day and i was having a great time choking myself and peeing on stuff (dog Facebooking, if you will).

then about halfway back, around the time i'm running outta gas, my daddy stopped to pick up sumpin that fell over into the street. it was a long pole with a circle pole on the top and then a net hanging from the circle pole. i don't know what this is used for, but i'm scared of it. i know it's not alive on accounta the smell of it, but it don't look right and it scared me when my daddy went close to it and lifted it up. (dog tip: if you don't know what sumpin is then it's best to be scared of it. don't be afraid to be afraid of stuff)

so i jerked back and after i did, i noticed a collar on the ground. when i saw it i thought, hey, i got a collar just like that... and hey, it's attached to a leash just like my daddy uses...and hey, the leash is attached to a daddy just like mine... wait a minute! that's my daddy! and that's my collar! why is my daddy walking the collar without me in it?

everyone froze. they were waiting for me to realize what had happened and, at the same time, hoping i wouldn't. it was like they were afraid the slightest movement would set off a bomb. daddy was a silent statue. my sisters balanced delicately on their bicycles. the world stopped and all eyes were on me and my next move.

i wasn't sure what to do, myself. i didn't want to waste such an opportunity, but i was on fumes. when will i learn to pace myself! my daddy started talking real sweet to me and that's when i knew i had him where i wanted him. spent or not, he couldn't catch me if he was on rollerblades and i had three broken legs and dragging a dead dinosquirrel.

so i figured i would stay just outta reach until i got my second wind. but i'm addicted to dog Facebook. i got caught up in a cat posting and before i could take a breather, he grabbed me and it was all over.

it is a long walk home after letting such a golden opportunity slipped through my paws; tail between my legs, figuratively and literally at the same time. i had let down my fellow canines. this one will sting for a while and, wait! i know that smell! the golden lab posted ! awesome!

oh happy day!

tag my butt!

my name spartacus. i invented a new game today. speaking of days, i decided that this 12 moon cycle i am gonna learn what peepole name times. like when the sun goes up and then comes down once; that's called a day. peepole are so obsessed with time they even name the days. today's name is friday. but they could only think of seven names and they just use them over and over again which is kinda boring. i would name a day spartacus!

speaking of me, i invented a new game friday; it's called, touch my butt. the object of the game is to touch my butt. that sounds simple when i look at it in human words, but i'm superfast and it's not easy. here's the rules: i run, you chase me and try to touch my butt. it's awesome!

my daddy and sisters get real outta breath and they can only touch my butt when i'm not paying attention which happens when i forget we're playing.

the microwave dinged! something may fall! gtg!

greatest blog ever!

my name spartacus. i've had the craziest week ever. sit back and prepare your frontal lobe; i'm about to blog your mind. you won't even believe what happened! it all started one morning when....wait! do you smell that? THE DOORBELL! GTG!!