Happy Snooze Year!

my name spartacus.  remember when i promised to blog more after the hot summer was over?  remember that?  well i didn't.

since i talked to you last, my fambly grew another tree in the living room.  but i still can't pee on it.  that fat man with the beard broke into our house again. and snow grew.  my sisters get real excited about all this, but i don't get it.  there just ends up being more junk around the house that i'm not allowed to chew on.

today they went around saying, "Happy New Year!" to each other.  i have a theory on this.  they go around saying, "Happy New Year!" cause it's a new year.  they get all excited about this too and i'm just like, "Boooooooorrrrrring!"  

do you know what a new year's resolution is?  well, resolution means: to break a promise. so new year's resolution is like this annual promise breaking ritual for peepoles.

my new year's resolution is to stop licking myself so much.  ")"

pupillon

my name spartacus;  i live in a wonderful little house;  i have everything i need;  i am safe and happy here; my fambly loves me; i love my fambly and i am constantly trying to escape.

don't ask me why. maybe you do it too, but  i'm always on the look out for a chance to make a break for it. most of the time (by "most of the time" i mean always) when i do get out i'm not sure what to do next. so i do what comes natural; i run, pee and smell.

i get out in lots of different ways, but i tricked my daddy good this one time not long ago.  my daddy knows i don't like to go out in the rain.  so when it's raining he's not as cautious about holding open the front door when i'm standing there, right? well he forgot to think like a dog which means to think only one step at a time.

so it's raining and he's holding the door open on accounta my mommy and sisters where goin somewhere.  on one paw it's raining; on the other paw i have a chance to make a complete fool of my daddy. no contest! out i go!

"spartacus!"

like that's gonna stop me.

and what do i do? i run straight into the van my mommy and sisters are getting in because - it's raining.

i'm a dog.

house arrest

my name spartacus.  the other day my biggest sister, Honey, had a friend spend the night. it's always exciting to have a visitor, but not this visitor.  this visitor has a fear of dogs.  i believe the technical term for this is; chomp-o-phobia.

scared of me!  if only she knew me.  but i gotta admit i was a little proud of it too.  but i didn't get to say hello or smell her or anything.

so once again i got punished for crimes yet committed. i was sentenced to an evening in the bedroom. no chance for parole or time off for good behavior.  the warden (mommy) gave me an armed (her right one) escort for my pee breaks.

the thing is, when mommy is in bed for the evening, that's where i wanna be too.  but now that i wasn't allowed out of the room, i really really wanted to get out of the room.  the grass is always greener - especially when there's a visitor!

by the time i was released the next morning it was too late.  the mysterious visitor was gone.  i smelled what i could, but it was no use.

it's too bad she didn't get to meet me.  i'm a good boy. five minutes with me and i woulda shown her dogs are awesome! i woulda cured her for sure!

my name dogtor spartacus!  ")"

a new leash on life

my name spartacus.  during the hot time when the sun gets mad, my fambly lost my leash.  so i went a long time without a walk and i was only able to pee in the back yard.  if peeing on a walk is dog face booking then peeing in my own back yard is like dog my space.  that's no fun.

even when it gets real hot i want to go on my walks. there's pee to smell and places to pee on.

well finally, one day, they came home with a new leash and i flipped out.  i went right out for a walk and peed my tail off!  i peed so much i was walking down the street on three legs. so i caught up a little, posted as much as i could and reclaimed most of my stuff.

i didn't realize how important my leash was until it was lost. i was like a hermit who lost his leash.

i'm gonna drink up and sit by the door. gotta make up for lost time.  gtg!

i got some splainin to do...

my name spartacus.  thank dogness the hot time is almost over.  i can start blogging regular again.

i think i figured out what happened to me from the last time i blogged.  my daddy took me and my cat for a dogtor visit and forgot us there! and the dogtor was like, "well, you're here. i might as well poke you with stuff."

so we were there for days, maybe weeks or years even! until one day i was reverse dognapped.  i was taken home by augie's mom and dad only i didn't recognize them on account a i was given a woozy pill so i was woozy.

well the next morning my fambly came home and they were all happy to see me and acting like they didn't just forget me at the dogtor's for half an eternity! but i was so happy to see them that i forgot too.

so it's all good now.  after all; the only thing that surpasses a dog's sense of smell is our unconditional love.  ")"

A dognapping and then a dog napping.

my name spartacus...or is it?

longest dogtor visit ever! finally going home...

wait a minute! these are not my peepole! you're making a mistake! why isn't anyone listening to me?!
somebody bark k-911!

what's the pill for? i'm being drugged and put in the back of an SUV! help!

i'm feeling woozy.  what is happening to me?!

is this my house? or have I fallen through an inter-dimensional time vortex and find myself in a parallel universe? what other explanation could there be?

i know I'm not dreaming; there are no squirrels.

getting... spleeny....

the Bath party

my name spartacus.  it's the hot time and my blogging slows down during this time cause the heat make me hot.  so i do everything slow,  like blogging.

today my daddy tricked me into taking a bath.  he called me into the waterbowl room using his i just dropped a piece of sausage voice and i ran into the little room with him.  then, like when my parents watch something scary through the magic window, the door closed behind me and my daddy laughed maniacally and the room tilted sideways and lightening flashed through the window... well he did close the door.

let me give you a bath tip; don't fight it.  the less you fight it, the sooner you get it over with.  i just stand there and it's over before i know it and it's really not that bad after you get use to the water.  and at the right moment you can shake and soak your daddy or whom ever the henchman happens to be.  i got my daddy good and after he toweled me off he had to take a bath too.

then my sister let me out and i ran around like crazy. who needs a blowdryer with this kind of speed?! is that fresh poop? gtg!