Dr. Who Me?

my name not spartacus. this past week i joined a super secret club. it's so secret i can't tell you who's in it. my fambly is in it. i'm also not allowed to tell you who the president of the club is, but let's just say it's my little big sister, Cookie. we all have secret names, that's top secret too. my secret name is The Doctor. hmmm. i guess i'm not very good at this secret keeping stuff. i'm a dog.

i can't tell you the name of the club, but i can give you a little hint; it's called the N.I.A. club which stands for Nature Is Awesome.
dang i'm doing it again! we get together and vote on stuff and hang out in Cookie's room and there's a secret knock and everything and somebody stop me!!!!!

i love the club because everyone is crammed into Cookie's room all together and i get all excited and guess what! i'm the vice president!!! ...unless i get impeached for this blog.... i know! after you read this, delete it!


p.s.
my cat is the only one in the house who's not in the club. she has her own club and she's the only member...

bye bye birdie

my name spartacus. member that bird toy my mommy bought me a little while back?





that's right!

things are ruff all over!

my name spartacus. i been real busy the last couple of weeks. first, Honey, my biggest sister got sick and i had to cure her and then my mommy got sick with something they call "new monia". i don't know what the old monia was like, but this new monia is serious stuff. mommy couldn't get out of bed and she was so sick she didn't even try to eat her vomit (come to think of it; my fambly never tries to eat their vomit. that's weird). i felt so bad for her.

i cuddled and laid by her as much as canine-ily possible and all my hard work eventually paid off, but she took her sweet time getting better. she's better now, but the new monia is not completely gone. i gots more work to do.

also last week my sisters and daddy didn't have to leave the house every morning and were home a lot. it was awesome! i ate bacon and i didn't even have to steal it! we stayed up late while they stared out the magic window and we slept late and played and walked. my daddy worked on the yard which makes me run around like a crazy mad dog. i don't know why i get so excited, but running is fun!

then they went back to the growing factory (except for daddy obviously - i don't know where he goes, but i know it aint there).

we had a blast and i don't know why they don't do it more often. ")"

my fambly is guitarded

my name spartacus. my daddy has this thing called a guitar and he recently brought home guitars for the whole fambly - or else one of his guitars had a litter. do you know what a guitar is? here is a picture of it in case you never seen one.

i can't tell if a guitar is alive or not. it doesn't move by itself, but it smells like a tree and it sings when you pet it. when it falls down it gets mad and goes, "GRRRRRRRRRR!" i think that's a growl, but i don't speak guitar. sometimes i accidentally pet the guitar with my tail and it sings to me when i do that. just like my sisters!

but guitars are a mystery to me. they rarely eat and they never ask to go outside and i haven't found guitar poop anywhere. my dog brain hurts. gtg...

i feel pretty or you snooze you lose where you snooze

my name spartacus. today my walk was very exciting. my sisters went too on their bikes. i don't have a bike cause i don't want one. it would be very hard to pee on stuff from my bike and i would prolly just end up peeing all over my bicycle. plus i'm a dog.

anyway, on my walk my daddy was speculatin' on why peepole stare at me so much. him and Honey said it was prolly cause either they think i'm a good looking' dog or they are wondering what breed i am. then all of a sudden a man asked my daddy what i was and then he said i was pretty. what a nice and smart man. i'm not sure, but i think this may have been the first time my daddy has been right about sumpin.

then guess what! i saw one of my dog Facebook friends! he was "posting" on a bush i had just posted on. i was so excited i couldn't stand it! we said hello and then i reposted on the bush. then he posted there again! so i pooped on the stinkin' thing and that settled the matter. my bush!

speaking of my daddy, mommy doesn't understand the rules of my bed. i have three beds in the my house and they are welcome to use them, but if they get up then as far as i'm concerned, that spot is open and if i take it then you need to find another spot cause this spot is nice and warm now. mommy should know this rule by now, but she always seems surprised to come back to my bedroom and find me in the spot she just vacated. sorry mommy; you snooze, i snooze where you were gonna snooze.

also daddy took my cat out somewhere. she didn't look too happy about it. then again i don't know what she looks like when she's happy. i don't understand how you could be going out and not be flipping out about it. cats.

mommy just came out of the bedroom! i got dibs on her spot! gtg!

random thoughts

my name spartacus. today 'I'm attending to Honey cause she's home sick. i have a helper now though. my cat is my helper. it's kinda like she's the nurse and i'm the dogtor. only i can't think of a clever name to combine cat and nurse so i just call her cat. so she sits next to Honey when i need to stretch my legs or go for a vomit or sumpin.

speaking of Honey being sick; used tissues are quite a treat if you can get them.

cat food is good. also it makes me vomit and that's like a kind of bonus to it. so really you get to eat it twice. some things are worth getting yelled at for.

i'm not sure if i blogged about this before, but i know a good way to get cold cuts. wait till your fambly is about to leave and ask to be let out. then go out to the middle of the yard and just sit there. when they realize you're not doing anything productive and have no intention of coming back in, they bring out the cold cuts to get you back in so they can leave. they will bribe you with turkey, chicken and even salami and pastrami. it's even better if it's cold and rainy outside cause when they see you sitting there miserable and shivering, they feel sorry for you and maybe you can get a hot dog or sumpin. it's worth it and you know how i hate the rain. try it!

i know how to play a game called "Quit it!" no, it's not where you do sumpin to annoy your father on purpose; it's a game where i'm called the "Golden Snitch" (i guess that's a new dog breed) and my fambly chases me around and who ever can catch me and get my toy from me wins. the first time we played my sisters rode on brooms, but now they just chase me without brooms. i like it cause i like any game where i'm being chased. you could chase me and call it, "Lettuce" and i would still like it.

vacuum cleaners suck!

Honey coughed! where is that nurse - cat?! gtg!

the longest b-day

my name spartacus. my birthday is from january 1 through february 28. this is on accounta nobody human knows when my actual b-day is on accounta i'm twice adopted (see adoption story, episodes I, II and III - not available in 3-D)

anyhow, if my dogtor is right, i'm about 35 dog years old. i'm still real playful and i like dog food, cat poop and dead flesh. i don't like sweets or veggies. so you can get me a toy or a hamburger (or a toy hamburger) or sumpin (don't get me cat poop cause it will get me in trouble).

so happy birthday to me! you better hurry and send me your b-day sentiments; only a couple weeks left of my b-day!

the cat is scratching in the litter box! oh kitty, you shouldn't have! gtg!