pupillon

my name spartacus;  i live in a wonderful little house;  i have everything i need;  i am safe and happy here; my fambly loves me; i love my fambly and i am constantly trying to escape.

don't ask me why. maybe you do it too, but  i'm always on the look out for a chance to make a break for it. most of the time (by "most of the time" i mean always) when i do get out i'm not sure what to do next. so i do what comes natural; i run, pee and smell.

i get out in lots of different ways, but i tricked my daddy good this one time not long ago.  my daddy knows i don't like to go out in the rain.  so when it's raining he's not as cautious about holding open the front door when i'm standing there, right? well he forgot to think like a dog which means to think only one step at a time.

so it's raining and he's holding the door open on accounta my mommy and sisters where goin somewhere.  on one paw it's raining; on the other paw i have a chance to make a complete fool of my daddy. no contest! out i go!

"spartacus!"

like that's gonna stop me.

and what do i do? i run straight into the van my mommy and sisters are getting in because - it's raining.

i'm a dog.

house arrest

my name spartacus.  the other day my biggest sister, Honey, had a friend spend the night. it's always exciting to have a visitor, but not this visitor.  this visitor has a fear of dogs.  i believe the technical term for this is; chomp-o-phobia.

scared of me!  if only she knew me.  but i gotta admit i was a little proud of it too.  but i didn't get to say hello or smell her or anything.

so once again i got punished for crimes yet committed. i was sentenced to an evening in the bedroom. no chance for parole or time off for good behavior.  the warden (mommy) gave me an armed (her right one) escort for my pee breaks.

the thing is, when mommy is in bed for the evening, that's where i wanna be too.  but now that i wasn't allowed out of the room, i really really wanted to get out of the room.  the grass is always greener - especially when there's a visitor!

by the time i was released the next morning it was too late.  the mysterious visitor was gone.  i smelled what i could, but it was no use.

it's too bad she didn't get to meet me.  i'm a good boy. five minutes with me and i woulda shown her dogs are awesome! i woulda cured her for sure!

my name dogtor spartacus!  ")"

a new leash on life

my name spartacus.  during the hot time when the sun gets mad, my fambly lost my leash.  so i went a long time without a walk and i was only able to pee in the back yard.  if peeing on a walk is dog face booking then peeing in my own back yard is like dog my space.  that's no fun.

even when it gets real hot i want to go on my walks. there's pee to smell and places to pee on.

well finally, one day, they came home with a new leash and i flipped out.  i went right out for a walk and peed my tail off!  i peed so much i was walking down the street on three legs. so i caught up a little, posted as much as i could and reclaimed most of my stuff.

i didn't realize how important my leash was until it was lost. i was like a hermit who lost his leash.

i'm gonna drink up and sit by the door. gotta make up for lost time.  gtg!

i got some splainin to do...

my name spartacus.  thank dogness the hot time is almost over.  i can start blogging regular again.

i think i figured out what happened to me from the last time i blogged.  my daddy took me and my cat for a dogtor visit and forgot us there! and the dogtor was like, "well, you're here. i might as well poke you with stuff."

so we were there for days, maybe weeks or years even! until one day i was reverse dognapped.  i was taken home by augie's mom and dad only i didn't recognize them on account a i was given a woozy pill so i was woozy.

well the next morning my fambly came home and they were all happy to see me and acting like they didn't just forget me at the dogtor's for half an eternity! but i was so happy to see them that i forgot too.

so it's all good now.  after all; the only thing that surpasses a dog's sense of smell is our unconditional love.  ")"

A dognapping and then a dog napping.

my name spartacus...or is it?

longest dogtor visit ever! finally going home...

wait a minute! these are not my peepole! you're making a mistake! why isn't anyone listening to me?!
somebody bark k-911!

what's the pill for? i'm being drugged and put in the back of an SUV! help!

i'm feeling woozy.  what is happening to me?!

is this my house? or have I fallen through an inter-dimensional time vortex and find myself in a parallel universe? what other explanation could there be?

i know I'm not dreaming; there are no squirrels.

getting... spleeny....

the Bath party

my name spartacus.  it's the hot time and my blogging slows down during this time cause the heat make me hot.  so i do everything slow,  like blogging.

today my daddy tricked me into taking a bath.  he called me into the waterbowl room using his i just dropped a piece of sausage voice and i ran into the little room with him.  then, like when my parents watch something scary through the magic window, the door closed behind me and my daddy laughed maniacally and the room tilted sideways and lightening flashed through the window... well he did close the door.

let me give you a bath tip; don't fight it.  the less you fight it, the sooner you get it over with.  i just stand there and it's over before i know it and it's really not that bad after you get use to the water.  and at the right moment you can shake and soak your daddy or whom ever the henchman happens to be.  i got my daddy good and after he toweled me off he had to take a bath too.

then my sister let me out and i ran around like crazy. who needs a blowdryer with this kind of speed?! is that fresh poop? gtg!

bite club or b-day showers or new kid in the flock

my name spartacus.  i was taking my afternoon walk mindin' my own business peeing on other peepole's stuff when all of a sudden i hear a door open and this little...thing.. came charging at me!  some new peepole moved into our street and their dog escaped like i do sometimes except i don't go looking for a fight.

he was littler than me and i'm not sure what breed, but i think he used to be white.  he was in need of a bath even for a dog.   just sayin'...    anyway, his bark was bigger than his (slang word for testicles here) cause he was free and wouldn't make his move.  as for me, the alpha male came outta me that i didn't know was there.  i was like a dog Hulk (don't make me angry) and my daddy had to hold me back and yell at me.  i haven't been in a fight since.... no, that was a dream.... wait..... hmmmmm.....ever?  well i was ready to dance and i've had my shots!  let's do this!

but his brother (?) came and got him and carried him away in his arms like a little baby puppy.  pol! (panting out loud)  so that's the almost fight i got into.


it's been a busy time for the fambly lately.  remember it was just Cookie's birthday?  and before that was aunt maria's birthday. well guess what! it was just Honey's birthday too!  i can always tell when it's somebody's birthday cause there's cake and fire and they sing Happy Birthday.  Honey turned 91.  mommy calls this age, "teenager".  mommy is not what you'd call a math magician.

and guess what!  in between my sister's birthdays i had a new human cousin.  my aunt Siobain and Uncle Jason (Augie's parents) had an anomaly - the first boy on my mommy's side of the fambly except for me and Augie, but i don't know if that counts.  i'm very excited for them and i can't wait to smell him!   ")"

birthday Cookie

my name spartacus.  today is my little big sister's birthday!  i can't believe she is 63 already.  just yesterday she was 56!  if i remember correctly there will be cake and i may even be offered a taste on purpose.  i always feel a little bad when i have to resort to stealing....but i get over it.

this morning was so exciting.  My Aunt Maria (gigi's mother - see "sgt yorkie") left surprise gifts and there was singing and everything.  i got excited and grabbed a ball and ran around and jumped on the bed, but didn't get any takers.  they had to get ready for to go and stuff.  that's okay,  i can just chew on this pillow and send a little message...

happy birthday Cookie!  here is a picture my mommy took of my little big sister....

the dog of thunder

my name spartacus. yesterday he came back again; that big dog in the sky who barks and pees on everything. and he peed a lot this time. i'm gonna have to go out and reclaim everything. when the big dog comes, daddy calls it a "thunder storm". he's always making stuff up like that, but it's cute when he tries to understand nature.

the big dog kinda scares me, but i didn't need a pill this time cause daddy brought my sisters home early. if the big dog in the sky goes for a walk and i'm alone, i sometimes try to dig myself into the garage and my daddy gets all bent outta shape about it. what do i look like - a doorknob expert?

i still don't know what the flashing light is all about. maybe there's a short in the sun. dinosquirrels! that's what it's all about! the dinosquirrels chew through the sun's wiring and the big dog in the sky comes and chases them away! it all makes perfect sense now!

well, the sun is fixed and i got some trees and mailboxes to reclaim. gtg.

Dr. Who Me?

my name not spartacus. this past week i joined a super secret club. it's so secret i can't tell you who's in it. my fambly is in it. i'm also not allowed to tell you who the president of the club is, but let's just say it's my little big sister, Cookie. we all have secret names, that's top secret too. my secret name is The Doctor. hmmm. i guess i'm not very good at this secret keeping stuff. i'm a dog.

i can't tell you the name of the club, but i can give you a little hint; it's called the N.I.A. club which stands for Nature Is Awesome.
dang i'm doing it again! we get together and vote on stuff and hang out in Cookie's room and there's a secret knock and everything and somebody stop me!!!!!

i love the club because everyone is crammed into Cookie's room all together and i get all excited and guess what! i'm the vice president!!! ...unless i get impeached for this blog.... i know! after you read this, delete it!


p.s.
my cat is the only one in the house who's not in the club. she has her own club and she's the only member...

bye bye birdie

my name spartacus. member that bird toy my mommy bought me a little while back?





that's right!

things are ruff all over!

my name spartacus. i been real busy the last couple of weeks. first, Honey, my biggest sister got sick and i had to cure her and then my mommy got sick with something they call "new monia". i don't know what the old monia was like, but this new monia is serious stuff. mommy couldn't get out of bed and she was so sick she didn't even try to eat her vomit (come to think of it; my fambly never tries to eat their vomit. that's weird). i felt so bad for her.

i cuddled and laid by her as much as canine-ily possible and all my hard work eventually paid off, but she took her sweet time getting better. she's better now, but the new monia is not completely gone. i gots more work to do.

also last week my sisters and daddy didn't have to leave the house every morning and were home a lot. it was awesome! i ate bacon and i didn't even have to steal it! we stayed up late while they stared out the magic window and we slept late and played and walked. my daddy worked on the yard which makes me run around like a crazy mad dog. i don't know why i get so excited, but running is fun!

then they went back to the growing factory (except for daddy obviously - i don't know where he goes, but i know it aint there).

we had a blast and i don't know why they don't do it more often. ")"

my fambly is guitarded

my name spartacus. my daddy has this thing called a guitar and he recently brought home guitars for the whole fambly - or else one of his guitars had a litter. do you know what a guitar is? here is a picture of it in case you never seen one.

i can't tell if a guitar is alive or not. it doesn't move by itself, but it smells like a tree and it sings when you pet it. when it falls down it gets mad and goes, "GRRRRRRRRRR!" i think that's a growl, but i don't speak guitar. sometimes i accidentally pet the guitar with my tail and it sings to me when i do that. just like my sisters!

but guitars are a mystery to me. they rarely eat and they never ask to go outside and i haven't found guitar poop anywhere. my dog brain hurts. gtg...

i feel pretty or you snooze you lose where you snooze

my name spartacus. today my walk was very exciting. my sisters went too on their bikes. i don't have a bike cause i don't want one. it would be very hard to pee on stuff from my bike and i would prolly just end up peeing all over my bicycle. plus i'm a dog.

anyway, on my walk my daddy was speculatin' on why peepole stare at me so much. him and Honey said it was prolly cause either they think i'm a good looking' dog or they are wondering what breed i am. then all of a sudden a man asked my daddy what i was and then he said i was pretty. what a nice and smart man. i'm not sure, but i think this may have been the first time my daddy has been right about sumpin.

then guess what! i saw one of my dog Facebook friends! he was "posting" on a bush i had just posted on. i was so excited i couldn't stand it! we said hello and then i reposted on the bush. then he posted there again! so i pooped on the stinkin' thing and that settled the matter. my bush!

speaking of my daddy, mommy doesn't understand the rules of my bed. i have three beds in the my house and they are welcome to use them, but if they get up then as far as i'm concerned, that spot is open and if i take it then you need to find another spot cause this spot is nice and warm now. mommy should know this rule by now, but she always seems surprised to come back to my bedroom and find me in the spot she just vacated. sorry mommy; you snooze, i snooze where you were gonna snooze.

also daddy took my cat out somewhere. she didn't look too happy about it. then again i don't know what she looks like when she's happy. i don't understand how you could be going out and not be flipping out about it. cats.

mommy just came out of the bedroom! i got dibs on her spot! gtg!

random thoughts

my name spartacus. today 'I'm attending to Honey cause she's home sick. i have a helper now though. my cat is my helper. it's kinda like she's the nurse and i'm the dogtor. only i can't think of a clever name to combine cat and nurse so i just call her cat. so she sits next to Honey when i need to stretch my legs or go for a vomit or sumpin.

speaking of Honey being sick; used tissues are quite a treat if you can get them.

cat food is good. also it makes me vomit and that's like a kind of bonus to it. so really you get to eat it twice. some things are worth getting yelled at for.

i'm not sure if i blogged about this before, but i know a good way to get cold cuts. wait till your fambly is about to leave and ask to be let out. then go out to the middle of the yard and just sit there. when they realize you're not doing anything productive and have no intention of coming back in, they bring out the cold cuts to get you back in so they can leave. they will bribe you with turkey, chicken and even salami and pastrami. it's even better if it's cold and rainy outside cause when they see you sitting there miserable and shivering, they feel sorry for you and maybe you can get a hot dog or sumpin. it's worth it and you know how i hate the rain. try it!

i know how to play a game called "Quit it!" no, it's not where you do sumpin to annoy your father on purpose; it's a game where i'm called the "Golden Snitch" (i guess that's a new dog breed) and my fambly chases me around and who ever can catch me and get my toy from me wins. the first time we played my sisters rode on brooms, but now they just chase me without brooms. i like it cause i like any game where i'm being chased. you could chase me and call it, "Lettuce" and i would still like it.

vacuum cleaners suck!

Honey coughed! where is that nurse - cat?! gtg!

the longest b-day

my name spartacus. my birthday is from january 1 through february 28. this is on accounta nobody human knows when my actual b-day is on accounta i'm twice adopted (see adoption story, episodes I, II and III - not available in 3-D)

anyhow, if my dogtor is right, i'm about 35 dog years old. i'm still real playful and i like dog food, cat poop and dead flesh. i don't like sweets or veggies. so you can get me a toy or a hamburger (or a toy hamburger) or sumpin (don't get me cat poop cause it will get me in trouble).

so happy birthday to me! you better hurry and send me your b-day sentiments; only a couple weeks left of my b-day!

the cat is scratching in the litter box! oh kitty, you shouldn't have! gtg!

the pick up spartacus

my name spartacus. lately my daddy has been taking me with him and Cookie to pick up Honey when she gets done with what ever it is she does during the day.

when he takes me it makes my sisters real happy. Cookie says, "Yea!" and she wants to put the leash on me. then i go a little nutso and when we get in the car Cookie tells my daddy to roll the window down for me. if there is anything better than having the wind gushing into your face at a million miles an hour please let me know!

we get to this big ginormous house where they keep all the kids like Honey. we park and wait until they break free. i think it must be a coordinated plan cause first there is a mass breakout and then they all run to the get away cars waiting for them and high tail it outta there. the best part is when Honey sees me. i always see her first and wag my tail and then when she sees me she becomes happy no matter how bad a day she's had. she smiles real big and says, "Hi Spartacus!" real excited. i make her happy.

i have a theory about this big house: you know how your brothers and sisters keep getting bigger, but you never see them grow? you see where i'm going with this? that's why they're gone all day! all the peopole puppies go to the big house every day to be stretched! they stretch them until they can't take it anymore and then they break out.

so this is how peepoles get bigger. this is also why no one wants to get up in the morning. i just can't figure out how the parents work into this. i don't know where they go when they leave, but i do know the mommies and daddies help them get away.

anyway, they call these big houses school and that's what they do there. i don't thinks it's right. i want them to stay little. they should do what my daddy did; i bet he missed a LOT of school.

time to break out Honey! gtg!

the (not so) great escape!

my name spartacus. the other human day my daddy took me for a walk. my sisters came with me on their bicycles. it was a nice day and i was having a great time choking myself and peeing on stuff (dog Facebooking, if you will).

then about halfway back, around the time i'm running outta gas, my daddy stopped to pick up sumpin that fell over into the street. it was a long pole with a circle pole on the top and then a net hanging from the circle pole. i don't know what this is used for, but i'm scared of it. i know it's not alive on accounta the smell of it, but it don't look right and it scared me when my daddy went close to it and lifted it up. (dog tip: if you don't know what sumpin is then it's best to be scared of it. don't be afraid to be afraid of stuff)

so i jerked back and after i did, i noticed a collar on the ground. when i saw it i thought, hey, i got a collar just like that... and hey, it's attached to a leash just like my daddy uses...and hey, the leash is attached to a daddy just like mine... wait a minute! that's my daddy! and that's my collar! why is my daddy walking the collar without me in it?

everyone froze. they were waiting for me to realize what had happened and, at the same time, hoping i wouldn't. it was like they were afraid the slightest movement would set off a bomb. daddy was a silent statue. my sisters balanced delicately on their bicycles. the world stopped and all eyes were on me and my next move.

i wasn't sure what to do, myself. i didn't want to waste such an opportunity, but i was on fumes. when will i learn to pace myself! my daddy started talking real sweet to me and that's when i knew i had him where i wanted him. spent or not, he couldn't catch me if he was on rollerblades and i had three broken legs and dragging a dead dinosquirrel.

so i figured i would stay just outta reach until i got my second wind. but i'm addicted to dog Facebook. i got caught up in a cat posting and before i could take a breather, he grabbed me and it was all over.

it is a long walk home after letting such a golden opportunity slipped through my paws; tail between my legs, figuratively and literally at the same time. i had let down my fellow canines. this one will sting for a while and, wait! i know that smell! the golden lab posted ! awesome!

oh happy day!

tag my butt!

my name spartacus. i invented a new game today. speaking of days, i decided that this 12 moon cycle i am gonna learn what peepole name times. like when the sun goes up and then comes down once; that's called a day. peepole are so obsessed with time they even name the days. today's name is friday. but they could only think of seven names and they just use them over and over again which is kinda boring. i would name a day spartacus!

speaking of me, i invented a new game friday; it's called, touch my butt. the object of the game is to touch my butt. that sounds simple when i look at it in human words, but i'm superfast and it's not easy. here's the rules: i run, you chase me and try to touch my butt. it's awesome!

my daddy and sisters get real outta breath and they can only touch my butt when i'm not paying attention which happens when i forget we're playing.

the microwave dinged! something may fall! gtg!

greatest blog ever!

my name spartacus. i've had the craziest week ever. sit back and prepare your frontal lobe; i'm about to blog your mind. you won't even believe what happened! it all started one morning when....wait! do you smell that? THE DOORBELL! GTG!!