a tree grows in the living room

my name spartacus. this is the moon cycle where my fambly puts together a tree in the living room. they did it a while back. Cookie put it together and then they put lights on it and hung stuff from it and then looked at it. i'm guessing i'm not allowed to pee on it so i won't in case i get yelled at.

a lot of stuff has happened since the last time i blogged you. i had to go to the dogtor cause i freaked out when it rained once. you know how when it rains sometimes a giant dog barks real loud and angry? well that scares me. the last time that happened i was alone and i got scared and i tried to dig my way outta the house through the garage door. daddy yelled at me and mommy took me to the dogtor. i'd rather get yelled at. the dogtor poked at me as usual and ended up giving me some pills i gotta take when i'm a little anxious. so embarrassing.

the cat has to take some medicine too cause she peed on the bed. daddy yelled at her and mommy took her to the dogtor (or whatever it is you call cat healers). she has to have medicine shot into her mouth. i'd rather have the bladder infection.

also i got some new toys to break and everyone has been home a lot more these last few days. it's been awesome! this is also the time of the year when it gets cold and daddy has made some cozy fires. let's see, what else? oh yeah! those $#@%! squirrels chewed up some wiring and daddy had to hire a squirrel hit man and some wire fixer dudes. i don't know why he hired a hit man when he could just let me up in the attack. i would do it for free! the wiring, not so much.

sorry for my neglectful blogging habits. in the new moon cycle i will try to not be so unblogful. but remember, i get distracted easy. sometimes i will be on my way to the computer and i will have an itch on my butt and one thing leads to another and the next thing i know the doorbell wakes me up. i'm a dog.

happy new 12 moon cycles! see you next do over!

dog christmas

my name spartacus. i got in trouble today cause i haven't been blogging like i'm supposed to and my mommy yelled at me. it's really bad when my mommy yells at me cause she's the good cop. my daddy yells at me so much sometimes i don't notice i'm in trouble.

i'm glad i got yelled at cause i wanted to tell you about this weird night a lot of a few nights ago. my fambly went out (in crazy outfits by the way) and left me all alone. so there i was minding my own business, you know, cleaning house so to bark, when the doorbell rang. well i went bonkers like usual and ran barking to the door and then the peepoles on the other side said something strange. it was hard to hear them through the door and my own barking, but i'm sure they said to smell their feet!

what is this?! peepole coming to the door and telling you to smell their feet?! what a genius idea! a service that brings smells to your door! why didn't i think of this?!

so did my parents order this service and forget? dang it! please! wait! don't go! yes i want to smell your feet! i know where the check books are!

then you'll never guess what. a little while later the doorbell rang again and this time they yelled "trickle treat!" what is a "trickle treat"? is it like beef jerky? i'll have one! wait! i have a check book! oh the irony! i can lick my jingle bells, but i can't turn a doorknob! don't go! why god!? why don't i have thumbs!?

well guess what. it rang again! and again and again and again! it rang all night and each time they were offering smells and treats! it was a nightmare. by the time my fambly got home i was exhausted. well it turns out this night was called halloween. it's crazy. peepole go for a walk, give each other junk to eat and smell each other's feet. it's like a holiday made for dogs. "halloween" = dog christmas.

next year i gotta get in on this!

mr. low dangles

my name spartacus. today i had a dangler. daddy wasn't happy. when daddy isn't happy it usually means somebody is having a good time.

i did try my best to get it off on the grass, but i guess he didn't see that. so when he called me in i thought i'd try on the rug to get more friction action going. like the rest of you, we see rugs a bit differently than peepole. for us a rug is a nice place to lay down and/or toilet paper. so i started my boot scootin' boogie across the rug and i hear guess what....that's right - "HEY!"

daddy sent me back outside and i tried again on the grass, but this was one stubborn dangler. i don't know if he forgot something in there or what, but he wouldn't budge. finally daddy gave up and called me in. then, to my delight, he had to get a paper towel and get it off by hand. if dogs could giggle i would've have been in so much trouble.

as you might expect, my dangler inspired me to write a poem:

ode to the dangler by spartacus

it hangs from my tail neither circle nor square

but it's what i would call rectangler.

cause it's stuck to my rectum and it's swinging around

did you guess what i have is a dangler?

no marching parade. no fireworks popping.

no fan fair, no stars and no spangles.

no one is proud you're the family dog

when you've got a bad case of the dangles.

i've tried on the grass. i've tried on the rug,

but i'm not what you'd call a poop wrangler.

i'm sorry to ask, but i need a sure hand

to help with one obstinate dangler.

you act like i'm rabid or cujo or such.

or like i'm that hockey masked mangler.

i'm still just your dog, your most bestest of buds,

but now with a big scary dangler!

P**P my dad says

my name spartacus. this is a list of stuff my daddy says to me the most:

10 stop licking the floor!

9 drop it!

8 stop licking your butt!

7 go outside!

6 shut up!

5 #*%$ dog!

4 what is that?!

3 kathleen!

2 spartacus!

1 NO!!

uh oh. he's yelling number 2. gtg!!

i'm walkin' here! or lawn mower fan

my name spartacus.  i finally went for a walk for the first time in a thousand years or so.  this time it didn't feel like the sun was five inches from my head and so i walked my tail off.  i walked all the way to the store where my sisters go to get colored ice drinks.  i don't get those drinks.  why would you want to drink anything, but water? ...and sometimes a lick or two of pee just for the information.

i stayed outside with my sister, Honey, to guard the bikes (Honey didn't bring her bike so she could walk me). this was cool with me cause i'm good at guarding stuff and because i got to smell all the peepole that went by.
you can get a lot of info from the way peepole smells.  after one pat on the head i can tell what they had for lunch, how long ago they ate, what kind of pets they have, if they washed their hands the last time they peed, how long ago they peed, pee...and that's just the important stuff.

lots of peepole want to pet me and they usually smell alright, but every so often someone smells suspicious and i have to stop wagging my tail until my nose can approve them.

so i walked much farther than usual and i was still leading they way for Honey on the way back!

today daddy mowed the back yard.  mowing is when he makes the grass shorter.  he uses a machine for this.  peepole use machines for just about everything; even to poop.  remember the water bowl chair i told you about?

i like when he mows.  i use to be afraid of the mowing machine cause it was so loud, but now i'm not ascared and we play a game with it.  in the game i get in his way until the last minute and then run like crazy when my daddy yells at me. it's such a fun game! i can tell my daddy is having fun too cause his face turns red.

when i first saw the mower work, i was amazed. when you push it over the grass the grass gets shorter! awesome! but now i know how it works.  you see, it's so loud that when you push it over the grass the grass ducks and tries to hide.  the grass stays like that for a long time until it slowly stands back up again when it thinks its safe.  i notice that some grass gets so scare that it jumps completely out of the ground!

i ain't afraid of the mower no more. i'm smarter than grass.

to kill a flamingo bird

my name spartacus. mommy brought home a new toy for me yesterday. i think it was yesterday. it was when the sun was going out last. anyway she got me a rubber pink flamingo. it - is - AWESOME!! when you squeeze it, it farts! it's like a high pitched whistle fart. the only problem is that it doesn't smell like a fart, but that's ok; it's still really cool.

i took it out back and pretended it was a squirrel and i showed mommy what i would do to a squirrel if i ever got a hold of one. she thought i was kissing it. no way! i was mauling it! i hope some squirrels were watching. "you see this, squirrels?! that's right!"

i love my new toy! thanks mommy! play with me!

here are some pictures of my killer attacking method. warning: these pictures may be too intense for small rodents.

Sgt. Yorkie

my name spartacus. you remember my awesome cousin Gigi? she came to visit me during my semi-retirement. she lived with me for a while and during that time she was the owner of the house. she is an alpha female and she would yell at me alot. she's a little Yorkie, but i'm not sure what she's been told she is and she's not high enough for mirrors.

anyway, when she lived here i would bug her to play and she would yell at me which was fun for me. she would sleep on my big pillow and eat my food and i thought that was very thoughtful of her. but she also had some annoying habits. like she would get mad if anybody left the house and yell at them until the door closed and then she would get mad at them for coming home! that was confusing and kinda scary.

but i loved having her around and sometimes she would forget her image and start playing with me and reveal she was a dog after all; and by the way, her poop does stink.

so when she came over, she yelled at me, snapped at me and stole my pillow and it was great! just like old times.

i wish my mommy would let me get a puppy.

sit! stay! blog!

my name spartacus. i'm a baaaaaad blogger. at first it wasn't my fault. i use my sister's computer and it crashed. i'm pretty sure i didn't crash it, but i hid just in case. anyhow, it took my daddy forever to get his friend to fix it. by the time he got it back i forgot i had a blog.

i become forgetful when it's so hot. also if it's too cold i forget stuff or if it's rainy or windy or perfect. what made me suddenly remember is when i got busted for playing with one of Cookie's barbies. mommy took a picture (it's like living with the paparazzi these days with her) and blogged about it (i swear the head was already off!) and i thought, hey what a good idea! i should do a blog! and then i remembered, "oh, i do!"

but that's not what i wanted to tell you. i just wanted to say that it is too hot to do anything outside except go to the bathroom. it's like i still get excited to go for a walk and everything, but half way through it i'm thinking, "this wasn't such a good idea." and on the way back i'm bringing up the rear. it looks like i'm walking my daddy.

the street is so hot i have to try not to keep my feet on it for more than a nano second. so i'm prancing around like one of those horses that sells beer until i can get to some grass or shade.

sometimes, when i forget how hot it is, i will ask someone to go out and play with me and then i fetch the ball once and return it straight to the door and inside to my pillow.

it's so hot that one time i got loose out front and ran in a big circle right back to the front door!

it's hot!

and our days of august are still to come. i don't know why they call them "dog days". we don't want them either!

early father's day

my name spartacus. today i gave my daddy an early father's day gift. i hung out with him while he worked in the front yard. he hooked my leash to a thing that screws into the ground for to hook leashes on and then he set my water bowl next to me in the shade.

he cut the grass and junk and made himself useful, but when he fixed the new door i made in the fence he covered up my window too! uuhhhh!

while he piddled away, some suspicious looking guys showed up and worked on the neighbor's yard. they were little guys and looked like my daddy, but they smelled different and were way more efficient. i growled at them, but my daddy said, "Spartacus!" in the tone that means "Knock it off!"

after a pleasant morning helping him we finished and went inside. he took a bath, which is dumb, and that was my early gift for father's day; keeping him company. happy father's day, daddy!

off the leash!

my name spartacus. today was glorious then not so hot cause it was so hot. first i got locked outta my own house! i'm not sure who locked me out, but i'll admit i was a bit irritated. so i scratched and knocked and dug and scratched and then i heard a car door. "what?! who could be visiting this early?" i ran to my window (a hole in the fence) and saw not someone coming, but my fambly leaving!

i'm not sure if i barked or not. i was in such a panic. i turned my window into a door and ran into the front of my house then when i was in front of the house, i realized i was in front of the house! yippee! i was thrilled by my freedom so i ran and peed like crazy. it was awesome until the pee ran out and i got tired and hot. i was panting so bad i looked like some kind of dog pervert and, plus, it was making me more thirsty than i already was.

being free in this heat was not all that it was cracked up to be. the thrill was gone; it melted under the rising sun and the street was getting too hot to walk on so i wandered back home desperate for a drink of water and a cool wood floor. i went back into the backyard and found some shade and waited and did some deep thinking... just kidding, i only waited.

although i did have an dog epiphany - inside: air conditioning, water, food, bed. outside: nope. this made me realize sumpin about myself. i discovered that i love to go outside, but i need an inside to go back into.

soon i heard another car and i went through my new door and saw the van pull up. i ran around to the side my daddy sits in and when he opened the door i greeted him. needless to say, he was surprised to see me. "Hi Spartacus! Hey! What are you doing out here?!" having a heat stroke! lemme in and pet me later! i went straight to the water bowl.

i guess daddy felt bad so he took me with him and my sisters for a snow cone. he let me walk to the van without a leash cause he figured i was too beaten down to run and he figured right. i went straight to the van door.

at the snow cone place Honey got cherry, Cookie got rainbow, daddy got strawberry and i got a water flavored snow cone. deelish! i made a new friend. a nice grandpa who was there with his little granddaughter. he said he loved dogs and fed me my snow cone. he was nice.

an eventful day for me, but now i'm back where i belong - in a nice temperature controlled house on my bed.... just as nature intended.

Breezy Rider

my name spartacus. i helped my mommy pick up my sisters from school on accounta my daddy was gone and we didn't know if he was ever coming back. then again i don't know if anyone is ever coming back. i been with my daddy to help pick my sisters before and it is Awesome! car rides are awesome anyway (as long as i don't end up at the dogtor's), but when we go to get my sisters they are even awesomer!

the best way to ride in a car is to stick your head out the window and smell the sights. i love the wind in my face and all the smells that it delivers. if only i could pee out of the window; that would make it perfect! you should also hop back and forth from the front to the back as much as possible cause you never know what you might be missing back there...or up there. and the best seat is the seat next to the driver; preferably with someone else already sitting there. oh, and if you can avoid it, try not to throw up in the car. this is frowned upon even if you intend to clean it up (which is also frowned upon)

so we pulled up to a big building and waited while all these "kids" came out (i don't know why peepole call their puppies little goats, but that's the word they use) mommy was ascared so she brought me to help her find Honey. there was so much to smell, but i smelled Honey before i saw her. i got excited and she is always happy to see me waiting for her in the car. then we went to another building and i watched from the car while Honey went to fetch Cookie. my sisters go to two different buildings and spend the day there doing dog knows what. Cookie is always happy to see me there in the car too. and i'm super excited when i see them cause i don't have any idea whats going on ever until i see them.

then, when we are all together, i try to sit on everyone's lap and a splendid time is had by all. mission accomplished! ")"

here are some declassified pictures of my mission:

two walks in one day!

my name spartacus and i went for two walks in one day! usually if my daddy walks Cookie to her friend's house he will take me, but he doesn't take me when he walks her home. this time he decided to take me to go get her too! two walks in one day! i was so excited and Honey came with us too. but that's not even the best part.

when we were on the second walk, i stopped to pee on a weed. something didn't seem right so i glanced back and saw, to my horror and delight, that i was peeing on my daddy's leg! he was wearing pants so he didn't feel it yet. i thought maybe if i just act like i don't notice and hurry up and finish it would just be my little secret. so that when ever he yells at me i will always have that. but when i was almost done i heard, "Hey! He's peeing on my leg! Spartacus!"

i thought i was really gonna get it until i heard Honey laughing. she laughed and said, "He thinks he owns you now." good one, Honey. If one of my sisters are there and they are laughing then i am always safe. that's one reason i love to hear them laugh.

we picked up Cookie and daddy told her about it and she laughed too.

i'm a baaaaaaaad booooooyyyyy...

my name spartacus and i am a trashaholic. the thing is, if you leave half eaten peepole food in an open trash bag and the bag is outside of the trash can and just sitting there on the floor, open and calling to me and all the peepoles are asleep, if you do that then you have condemned me to gluttony and you are an accomplice. also, in my defense, i had emptied my bowl earlier and my daddy had yet to go get me more of my food... wait - i did this actually after he got me more food and my bowl was embarrassingly full so scratch that.

i knew what i was doing was wrong while i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. it's like when i steal food. i just do it without thinking (which is pretty much how i approach everything i do) and then afterwards i feel completely... satisfied. since i wasn't caught in the act i thought i had gotten away with one, but in the morning i heard, "SPARTACUS!" in my daddy's tone that is never followed by a belly rub or a treat. so i slowly walk away. perhaps there is another spartacus here abouts. i'll help you find him. i'll check under the desk.

but how did he know?! aaahhh! the trash i dragged out! it's still there where i left it! but how does he know it was me?! he's good. too good...

well, after i got caught and was yelled at, i was properly ashamed. i ducked my head and wagged my tail with admission and regret of my sin. the sooner and more convincingly i do this the sooner i am forgiven and free to go about my business. and each time we are both satisfied i learned my lesson and i will never do it again. ")"

i am the egg dog, goo goo g'joob!

my name spartacus. sorry i haven't blogged in a while, but i found this old rawhide bone under my biggest sister's bed and it was covered with dust bunnies and i think there might have even been a dead bug on it. what awesome luck i have!

speaking of bunnies, i been meaning to tell you about a strange day i had last week or last year the other day. if you follow my blog, you know i'm not good with how time works so i don't know how long ago it was. all i can say for sure is it was not today and it happened in the past not the future.

one night, in the middle of the night i heard a noise. i also smelled something squirel-ish (and you know how i feel about them) so i got up to see what was up. you can't believe it! i saw a really big bunny rabbit hopping out of our house (he was considerate enough to close the door behind him). i was disappointed i didn't catch him, but i thought if i was lucky he might have left some poop behind and i'd better check. when i looked in my parents' room (my sisters slept there that night), i saw two baskets full of toys and candy. i quickly deduced that the bunny rabbit was attempting to steal these baskets and i had foiled his robbery. alas my fambly will never know that i saved the day yet again. i'm a lot like batman if batman were a dog and didn't wear a costume and wasn't rich.

but that's not the only weirdness that day. my sisters were given a bunch of toy eggs to play with. what kind of a toy is a toy egg?! but the eggs opened in half and they had candy and stuff in them! so maybe they were real. then when my daddy got home, he took all the eggs away from my sisters and hid them in the backyard! i don't know what they did wrong, but this seemed uncalled for and just mean. so when he hid an egg i would run and grab it and run like crazy! with my help my sisters found all the eggs, but then they asked him to do it again!

weird day, but my sisters had lotsa fun and i helped them find eggs and ran around alot.

you've got hail

my name spartacus. yesterday a weird thing happened. ice cubes fell from the sky! have you ever seen anything like that? my daddy called it, "hail". when ice cubes fall from the refrigerator they are called, "ice cubes". when they fall from the sky they are called, "hail".

my daddy was looking out the back door and he goes, "those are awfully big rain drops. and they're hard too. they're bouncing off the grass. hey girls! it's hailing!" so we all went outside and watched it bounce off each others heads. at first it looked like they were popping out of the ground and my daddy and sisters laughed at me cause i got excited and jumped at them like i would when i chase a ball or sumpin. then i chewed them a little the same as i do with the ice cubes that fall from the refrigerator.

it's strange to see ice fall from the sky but i figured out how it works. you see there is a gigantic refrigerator in heaven and when an angel or somebody gets ice for a drink, they sometimes drop some too just like peepole do when they use their mortal ice makers. isn't science fascinating?!

i think they should call it "haiven" instead of "hail". somebody's getting ice! gtg!

how to greet your mother

my name spartacus. the other day i had to show my whole fambly how they're supposed to greet mommy when she comes home from beyond the door. i don't know where she goes (or where any of them go) but i know she comes home late and she has to go away sometimes on the days she's supposed to not have to go (i know this cause she has the same not go days as my sisters most of the time except on the days she has to go anyway. capiche?). anyway, when she gets home, she's carrying a bunch of stuff and she looks tired. the thing is, i would greet her the way i do anyway because she's my mommy, but this is just an example of why she deserves it.

you prolly do this too, but here's what i had to show my fambly to do...

first you gotta be at the door and ready for her when she walks in. this will show her that you are so happy she's home, you just couldn't wait. to do this you have to have one ear always tuned into cars and car doors. you also have to know when it's her car and not one of your suspicious looking neighbors - likely up to no good.

when she opens the door you are right there wagging your tail with an exclamation point. then you gently get up on your hind legs and lean on her so you can give her a hug. she will say, "hi" and pet you and stuff and then you give her the original french kiss.

then you grab something, anything, and you walk around in circles crying because you're beside yourself with joy. (or maybe that's just me)

and that's how you greet your mother when she gets home (my sisters too. even my daddy.). this way the first thing she does when she gets home - no matter how crummy her day might have been - is smile.

adoption story part III

my name spartacus. that was the name my first fambly gave me. my new daddy liked it and wanted to keep it my name. i was glad on accounta i didn't wanna become a "Tuffy" or a "Prince" or a "Bingo". i know that my daddy always wanted to name a dog, "The Beatles". Whew!

so they brought me to my new home in my new van. they let me check the place out and then when i made my final decision to take the place i naturally peed on it. this was against one of their zillions of rules. top of the list i would say. they threw a barrage of "no's" at me and took me out back. ok, no peeing in the house. got it. no digging holes here either?! check. no chewing my sisters' toys; check. no tearing up door frames; oops. no stealing food; working on it. and on and on. rules for everything!

they took me to the dogtor and she told them that the terrier part of me was boston. then, as i told you before she found where someone had inscribed, "1 year old" on one of my teeth.

so everything was great. my sisters are awesome and i was getting lots of love from my new fambly. i got my own bed (which i'm nice enough to share with my mommy and daddy) i was comfortable and happy and off of death row. i even had my own cat! could it get any awesomer?!

then, one day, my daddy took me for a ride. it wasn't to my regular dogtor; it was a different dogtor that i didn't know. well one minute he's checking me out and being all nice to me and then next thing i know, i'm waking up wearing the cone of shame and a pain where my boys....use to be! Ahhhh! there's been a mistake! what did you do with them? what did you want with them?!! i've heard about this kinda thing. are you gonna sell them?! wait till my daddy gets here! put them back or you're gonna get such a smack with the paper! (my daddy doesn't smack me with the paper anymore because the entire fambly would yell at him)

when my daddy got there...he paid them!?! this was the plan?! to this day i don't know why they had to go, but apparently it was part of the deal so i don't hold it against them. when i thought about it; i had swapped a small cage, possible put down and two testicles for a loving fambly, a new house, car, free food, a/c, toys, a cat and her litter box. not a bad trade off and i'd do it again even knowing what was coming, but still...

anyway i soon settled in and got over my shyness. i still get in trouble once in a while, but everyone says i'm a good boy. and me and my fambly are living happily ever after.

the end...

well that's my rags to riches story. now here i am writing my own blog. sorry it took so long, but those naps aren't gonna take themselves. speaking of which... gtg!

p.s.

i am lucky i got a second chance. i am very happy with my fambly. be sure and tell your peepole to tell other peepole to adopt instead of buy and give some other good boy or girl a second chance like i got. tell them to check out petsmart or local pounds or aspca.org

adoption story part II

my name spartacus. so this nice pretty lady was looking at me through the bars and saying i was a handsome boy. i thought, in my dog brain, "ok. i'm listening. go on..." she called over the rest of the fambly; my future daddy and two sisters. my future daddy and i eyed each other suspiciously. my future sisters "oooo'd" and "awed" me, but they wanted a puppy. hmmm... i hope that nice lady is in charge.

they asked if they could take me out of my portable prison cell. so the warden let me out and they approached me cautiously (especially future daddy). my future sisters liked me, but they were peepole puppies. so they liked me the way peepole puppies will like any dog. they had their heart set on a puppy.

my future daddy said sumpin like, "yes he's a handsome boy, but he looks like he could have some pit bull in him and i don't want a pit bull cause of the girls." so they asked the warden if i was pit bull any. she said she thought i wasn't, but she didn't know what i was except for the boxer part.

so my future mommy and daddy talked about it and in the mean time i tried to look sad and be friendly and not pee on them.

it worked! between mommy's insistence and me holding my water, the next thing i know, they're signing papers and i'm going for a car ride with my new fambly! my "current" mommy, daddy and sisters!

to be continued....

adoption story part I

my name spartacus. as far as i know, that's always been my name. that was my name when my fambly adopted me somewhere between two weeks and 21 years ago. if you read my blog, you know i'm not good with time and numbers. but here's what happened...

i don't remember much about my life before i was adopted. i don't know if i had a boxer daddy and a boston terrier mama or vice versa. either way it's a disturbing image. anyway when my fambly took me to the dogtor after they adopted me, that's what she said i was; a boxer and a boston terrrier at the same time. then she looked at my teeth and said i was a year old so i guess your age is written on your teeth somewhere.

i don't remember my dog sisters and brothers and i don't really remember my first peepole fambly. i'm sure i would know them if i smelled them. they gave me up for adoption. i'm not positive why, but i think it had to do with my chewing. peepole seem to be pretty smart to me. they know how long a day is, they build stuff, they know where to find food, etc... it seems like knowing that puppies chew shouldn't surprise any of them. so i guess i chewed the wrong thing or one thing too many and they gave me up. oh and i guess they didn't care for my landscaping in the backyard. i must say though that i am grateful they gave me a second chance giving me a shot at another fambly.

when a fambly gives you up they take you to this place called a pound. i don't know why they call it that or who they are, but i hear things. they put you in jail, but the guards are nice. i got the feeling they really wanted to take care of you and were rooting for you. then once in a while they would take some of us in cages to a store and let peepoles look at us. the peepoles would look at us, pet us and go, "awwwwee!" and then sumpin awesome happened. if they liked you enough they would take you out and if you got extra lucky, they wouldn't put you back in. they would take you with them! and then, after a while they would take the rest of us back to jail.

so every time they took us out we realized that was our chance to find a home. so we would give each other advice on how to act or what expression to wear to try and get picked. we all tried to help each other. then came my turn. the fateful day when i met my mommy, daddy and my sisters, Honey and Cookie. we were in the store in our cages when i heard, "handsome boy" for the first time. i thought, "please let me be handsome. please!" and i was! mommy came right to my cage and she was talking to me!

to be continued....

the mother of all magic windows

my name spartacus. guess what. i saw the biggest magic window ever. you can't believe it. you know how i tole you about the magic window and how much peepole love to look at it? well my fambly went to look at the mother of all magic windows and they took me with them!

we all got into my mini-van and i was excited even though i didn't know where we were going. i never know where we are going, but i'm always excited to go. so we drove and drove and drove and drove until i was like, "ok, this seems pointless. how about we stop, get out and pee on stuff?" but we kept on driving and driving and driving. i think my mommy was tired of driving too cause she was yelling at my daddy and i was like, "yes! get him to stop." i wanted to find a rolled up newspaper to give to her, but i didn't see one. most of the time i sat on my biggest sister Honey's lap and looked out the window; at all the lost opportunities...

finally, right around the time the sun fell to the earth, we got to where they were going: the edge of the world; also known as, GRANBURY. we got into a long line of cars waiting to get into, what i realized later, was some sort of temple.

so after a wait of about forever, we finally got in and there was nothing in there but a bunch of cars! it was just a big dumb parking lot. and it wasn't even "in" there. we were still outside. we parked and while i was staring at a fence and thinking, "we drove all that way for this?", the fambly went to the back of the van. mommy tole daddy to walk me and that's when i saw what i thought was just a gigantic wall. i should've knew there was more to it by the way everyone was facing it and staring at it expectantly. i didn't think about it at the time because i needed to find the right spot to stake my claim on the place. from what i could smell, other dogs came here too and they would need to know that i was here and was the new owner.

so by this time it was all the way night and when we got back to the van i was eager to have a good look around at all the dogs and their peepole now that i had successfully diversified my realty holdings. then, all of a sudden, a light came from the direction that all the peepoles were looking. i looked up and you can't even believe what i saw. the big wall had turned into a ginormous magic window! it was bigger than a house! IT - WAS - AWESOME!

so this is why our famblies leave the house everyday. they come to the edge of the world and look out of the mega magic window. and just like at home, they sit there and stare at it and eat in front of me. and just like at home, i quickly lost interest in it. how can you just sit there when there are all those hineys to sniff?! once they fell under it's spell i didn't know what to do with myself. when i was inside the van i wanted to get out and when i was out i wanted back in. one time i even sat up front to see if the van would go, like when my parents sit there, but it didn't work. i guess you need thumbs or sumpin.

they walked me a couple times so i could settle down and it helped. but for the most part all i could do was lay down with my daddy until the service was over. i was a little disappointed i didn't get to meet more dogs and their famblies.

well i could tell my sisters had a great time and so did my mommy and that is enough to make my tail wag. my daddy fell asleep which seemed disrespectful. when the sermon was over, the window turned back into a wall and everybody started leaving. my sisters fell asleep on the journey home. my daddy stayed awake cause he was driving and my mommy stayed awake cause my daddy was driving.

it was an interesting night to say the least, but i wish i could've gotten around a bit more. still, how many can say, "i've been to the edge of the world and peed on it."?

")"

garbage in, gourmet out

my name spartacus. i like food. and though my definition of food is very broad - VERY broad - i must warn you about something. cat food. cat food is a trick. if you can get to it, it is very tasty and worth getting yelled at, but you pay for it eventually even if you get away with it.

cat food gives me the worst tummy aches ever. even the kitty litter doesn't do that to my tummy. and i'm pretty sure cats make their food do that on purpose. the problem is i keep forgetting what it does to me and i keep eating it when my daddy has a lapse and it's not out of my reach. but what else can i do? my food is good, but it's the only thing ever in my bowl. usually i'm like , "dog food! sweet!", but sometimes i need a change.

that's why anything that is or ever was considered food is good enough for me. hey, that gives me an idea. i guess the secret to eating cat food without getting sick is to let the cat eat it first. ")" <--that's a tail wag

so try that and let me know how it works out for ya.

the roof that time forgot

my name spartacus. today was weird and awesome and then not so awesome and regular. first off all i was stumped cause i haven't been able to cure my mommy. i didn't understand because i had cured everyone else, but for some reason i couldn't cure her. then, as she was making more of her alligator/moose calls, it suddenly hit me right between the eyes. it's her mating season! here i was all this time trying to heal her. i'm such a dope!

then, after mommy got back from taking my sisters to work, all these noises started coming from the roof. right away i guessed the squirrels were back. but these were no ordinary squirrels, let me tell you. by the sound of the banging and pounding they must have been as big as the min-van! each squirrel! giant dinosaur squirrels! and by the sound of it, they were going to smash and eat the whole house! i suddenly realized something. i turned to mommy and thought at her, "do you realize what you've done?!" mommy had inadvertently attracted the giant dinosaur squirrels with her crazy alligator/moose call!

meanwhile the dinosquirrels where pounding away and something had to be done. i couldn't get out of the house and i couldn't get up into the attic. daddy was dog knows where, i couldn't use the phone or get mommy to understand like with the alien.... "of course! that's it!", i thought. i remembered my special bark that i discovered against the giant alien slobber monster. the one where it seemed like i was scared, but wasn't. it was our only chance. so i barked apprehensively like last time; careful to get it just right. but the noise didn't stop! it didn't work! oh no! the house was sure to collapse any minute! now what?!

then my daddy finally got home. he walked into the house like it was any other day - the fool. he thought i was excited to see him, but i was trying to get him to understand what should've been obvious; there were dinosquirrels in our attic! helllooooo! then, as if he read my mind, he got the leash and strapped me on. i hurried him out the door and braced myself for the.... peepole on the roof? there was a bunch of peepole walking around on my roof and working on it.

i understood. my barking had worked. the dinosquirrels where chased off and the house was saved. then, when my daddy got home and saw the damage, he hired these peepole to fix it. one thing i can say about my daddy; he may be dense, but he works fast.

so i had saved my mommy again. and again she has no idea of the danger she was in. so cute. except maybe for that alligator/moose thing she's got goin on...

hope and glory

my name spartacus. today Honey and mommy stayed home cause Honey was sick again. i guess i didn't do a very good job curing her.

some good did come of it though. first of all they were home all day. yes! and then Honey threw up, but, unfortunately, she made it to the waterbowl chair. and then they flushed it! you can't believe how wasteful they can be. then mommy started gagging and i was like, "oh please. oh please!" but she never gave it up.

then daddy came home before mommy left with Honey. he went right to bed and i was like, "yes!" so peepole were home practically all day.

then daddy made Cookie two hot dogs, but she only ate one and guess what! he gave the other one to me! on purpose! i was already plotting mission hotdog, but now i don't have to come about it dishonestly after bedtime.

it was just an awesome day all around and it's not over yet. i wouldn't be surprised if a squirrel walked right in the front door!

pet names

my name spartacus, but i got alotta nicknames. do you got alotta nicknames? i do.

my mommy mostly calls me, "sparticles" and, my personal favorite, "handsome boy" (in fact, "my handsome boy" is my very first nickname and the very first thing she ever called me.). my biggest sister, Honey, calls me, "bakaboo". My little big sister, Cookie, mostly uses my real name or just says, "Aaawwwe." my peepole aunt maria calls me, "spartikey". my fambly also calls me, barkatus, particles, sparkables, spockabuh, sparky, sparkles, sportacus and practically every other possible combination of letters in my name.

my daddy has lots of terms of endearment for me. the one he uses the most is, "HEY!". this is usually followed by, "stop that!" or "shut up!". the rest of the names i prolly shouldn't print.

my fambly only uses my actual name of spartacus when they really need sumpin. like if they need me to go out before they leave or to make sure i come back in or when we're playing my favorite game of "chase me". but i guess you don't wanna go around the neighborhood yelling, "HEY! HEEEEYYYY!!"

they also use my real name at bed time. sometimes they fight over me at bed time and i love it cause there's all kinds of calling and whistling and kissie noises while they try to get me to go into their rooms. i'll stand in the hallway and enjoy the chaos while i decide on the winner. i'm the judge and the prize; much better than any electric blanket or stuffed animal.

sometimes my names are hard to keep up with, but i respond to them all. i like whatever they are calling me just as long as they are calling me.

is there a dog in the house?!

my name spartacus. i had to cure my daddy and my biggest sister, Honey, this week. they were both sick as a... well, one of us. so i sat by them until i cured them and then today my mommy started feeling sick so i'm gonna sit by her until i cure her too.

anyway this got me to thinkin' i coulda been a good dogtor. maybe i should think about getting a job. so this was on my mind when i was chewing on my daddy's newsweek and i saw an article about dog jobs. did you know...

• our noses are 100,000 times more sensitive than a peepole's nose.
• labradors can dectect colorectal and bowel cancer with a 98% accuracy while current technology is right only about 10% of the time.
• even though billions have been spent on technology, there is still nothing that beats a dog's nose when it comes to detecting bombs.
• we can sniff out bed bugs with a 95% accuracy rate.
• many of us are used to help scientists track endangered species in the open sea.
• some of us can sniff out gluten in food to protect peeople with celiac disease.

so depending on the breed you are, you could be a lab tech, a soldier, an ocean biologist, a dogtor, a police dog.... we can be cowboys, firedogs, therapists, comedians...

so tell your pups to keep their noses clean and the world is wide open for them. i was considering looking into obedience school, but i like my current job of being a happy home maker. i don't know what my fambly would do without their fambly dogtor.

spartacus vs. the giant alien slobber monster

my name spartacus. the scariest thing happened yesterday. i was too disturbed to write about it until now. the following was inspired by true events...

i was having a good day because both my mommy and daddy were home, but i knew something was wrong because they were cleaning. so i kept my ears sharp for a car door and i was excited to bark at and smell whom ever we were expecting, but all of a sudden that was out the window when my mommy grabbed the leash. there was only room in my head enough to think, "walk!", so i forgot all about the mysterious visitor. when we got outside, i was cursing myself for not filling up again when all of a sudden mommy opened the car door! "CAR RIDE!" and that's all i was able to think about until we got moving.

you know, when you can only focus on one thing at a time, there are a lot of surprises in your life. which is why i was shocked when i saw that mommy was driving straight into a gigantic mouth!

i never saw it coming or i woulda warned her, "mommy you're driving into a giant monster's mouth! turn!" but it was too late (and i don't speak english too good. it woulda just came out as, "woof!"). so before anything could be done, we were already being eaten! and what a mouth! it was magnificently disgusting! a thousand tongues licking and lashing! spinning teeth grinding and chewing! and the drool! oh the drool! the car was immersed in grotesquely gratuitous saliva! there was so much slobber going on i was horrified (and a little bit jealous). IT- WAS - AWESOME!

as we made our way through the bowels of the beast, i tried to protect my mommy by barking at it, but since it's ears are on the outside, it didn't hear me. my poor mommy had no idea what was happening. she kept trying to baby talk me and acting like we were simply on a sunday drive (this is a shameful plug for my daddy's short film, "Sunday Drive". ok daddy?)

though i pittied her, i thought it best she didn't know what was really happening. let her enjoy her last moments in ignorant bliss.

the monster's digestive system worked freakishly fast and soon we were being "pushed". first we were hit by a blast of air. this, i later realized, was the monster farting because right after that we were pooped out. pooped, but alive! we had actually survived being eaten and then digested! i had won! my name SPARTACUS!

and after all that, after i had saved her from the giant alien slobber monster, mommy just drove on like nothing had happened. she's cute like that.

we're gonna need to wash the car now.

to pee or not to pee

my name spartacus. i guess my mommy doesn't want me blogging about peeing anymore. you know how peepole are; they are basically animals that won't admit it. but that's ok. if mommy finds it tacky, i won't talk about peeing anymore cause i love her.

so i was licking my butt the other day and my daddy yelled at me to stop it. do you get yelled at for licking your butt? i do. i get yelled at for a lot of stuff like that. as you know it's just a little house cleaning. how would he like it if i barged into the bathroom and barked at him while he was cleaning up? he can be uptight about some things. in fact i noticed that peepole, in general, get grossed out pretty easily. but they don't understand that just because they're grossed out by a little bit of partially digested lunch doesn't mean we are. it goes down easier the second time, doesn't it? you see, dear old dad, "gross" is just not a part of a dog's vocabulary (except when i used it in this blog in the abstract).

so when i'm doing some "house cleaning" and i get yelled at, i move to another room and go to town. except i forget that my daddy has x-ray vision! i know this cause i'll be in a whole other room biting, scratching and licking and my daddy will yell at me to quit! you see, peepole have awesome senses that blow ours away. i guess that's why they get grossed out so easily. i gotta remember to wait 'till they go to sleep. i can't think too many steps ahead at a time though. in fact, i can't think any steps ahead. that's why i'm not a very good chess player.

daddy's home and i gotta go pee! oops! sorry mommy!

pee. s.

my name spartacus. i thought of more stuff about my peeing that maybe you can relate to. when i'm on my walk and pee on stuff it also means; this is pretty much mine now; my mailbox; my shrub; my light post; my tree; my cat and, um, sorry about that kitty...

my daddy will let me smell anything i want, but he won't let me pee on certain things like cars or flowers or sofas. when i was first adopted i didn't know there were certain things you couldn't pee on. i mean what do you do when you get a new home? you pee on it! that's exactly right! what do you do when you visit a place? YES! you pee on it!

the first time i entered my new house and peed on it my parents got all bent out of shape. (well my daddy did. usually how it works is that my daddy yells at me and my mommy yells at my daddy) my daddy got mad at me, showed it to me (like i didn't realize i just peed) and made me go outside. I'm like hello?! i just took care of that, remember? you just showed it to me! at that point i knew i wasn't dealing with a rocket scientist.

as you know, i was only claiming the place; just a little formality. like signing on the dotted line.

but i learned pretty quickly that peepole don't like it when you pee in the house unless it's in the water bowl chair. since i can't use the water bowl chair to go outside, i have to go outside to go outside. i do use it's other function as a water bowl occasionally, but i get yelled at for that too! there's water there in a bowl! why can't i drink it?! peepole have so many rules! so confusing.

before i learned the peepole pee rules, i peed everywhere and it was glorious! the first (and, as it turned out, last) time i went to my cousin auggie's house, i peed on the couch and everyone got so excited that, at first, i thought a squirrel was in the house. even my mommy got mad at me for that one. they took me to petsmart once and i peed on it. the dogtor's office - peed on it. the minivan - mine.

so there's a little heads up on the peepole pee rules in case you're newly adopted or a puppy. i know the rules pretty good now.

veni, vidi, pee pee! or... i came, i saw, i urinated!

my name spartacus. today was an awesome day for a walk. so was yesterday, but my mommy and daddy were both sick (they don't get punished for it like i do, though). anyways, my daddy took me today.

don't you love going for walks? i do! all i have to do is hear the jingle of the leash and i flip out. i run to the front door and i sit down and stand up and walk in place and cry. i'm a little embarrassed that i cry about it, but i just can't help myself. i just cry a little. then he connects the leash to my collar and i ignite the afterburners.

at first i'm so excited that i drag my daddy. i'm in such a hurry to pee on stuff and he is so slow! he yells at me and i'm choking myself, but i don't care. i got things to smell and places to pee on. i can breathe later.

i smell everything and if i detect someone else's mark, i pee on it. just a little "hello". "spartacus was here". usually i run out of pee about half way through the walk. this is really frustrating, but it's not my fault. the walk always comes without warning so i don't get a chance to fill up first. but even after i run out, i try anyway. it's important to let the neighborhood dogs know that spartacus is in the house!

it's also fun to look at peepole. the peepole puppies usually wanna pet me. i let them cause i like them and plus i wanna smell them. the big peepoles either say something nice or they give me a pretty wide berth. i'm never sure about the big peepole so i sometimes bark, but then my daddy would yell at me.

about halfway back and with an empty bladder, i calm down and walk at a pace the old man can handle. i thought i woulda had him trained proper by now, but i guess it's gonna take a little more time and alotta more patience.

walking is one of my favorite things. if i could, i would walk 27/10!

k-9 and punishment

my name spartacus. i had to go to the dogtor today. if you don't know what that is then you're lucky. the dogtor is a lady your peepole take you to as a punishment when you're not feeling good. they do things like poke you and scrape you and stick things up your butt so that by the time the punishment is over, you are so glad to be out of there you start feeling better.

the first time i went i was really excited cause, when i first walked in, it was smellorama! a veritable international bazaar of smells. it - was - AWESOME! there were other dogs there and even cats! but then a peepole took me into a little room and they started the punishment. the actual peepole are nice, but it's only to get you to let your guard down. peepole can be pretty smart- sneaky - but pretty smart...

one time i remember i was having allergies. i was scratching myself like crazy until my hair was coming out and i was bleeding. in other words, i was handling it just fine and everything was cool, right? then all of a sudden i'm in that little room and these peepole were doing all kinds of wac things to me that only peepole would think of to do.

the leader is the one the peepole call the "dogtor". i like her a real lot. she's the one who comes in and breaks it up. she always looks in my mouth to see what i've eaten and then she looks in my ears to see if i'm listening. she talks real nice to me and pets me and yells at my daddy. i like her. she's also the one who frees me.

sometimes they send my mommy or daddy home with pills to give me, but since they don't taste like anything that use to be alive, i don't like them and i spit them out and that's the end of it. it works out nicely because whenever i spit a pill out they take it away and then reward me with a piece of chicken or something...about...the size...of...THE PILL! HEY! GTG!

wags and giggles

my name spartacus. my peepole uncle Ed sent me a joke that made my tail wag:

a three legged dog walks into a bar.

the bar tender says, "Can I help you?"

and the dog says, "I'm lookin' for my paw."

thanks uncle Ed!

if you have a joke that's puppy friendly or an idea for me to blog about, feel free to put it in the comments or send it to me. I gotta get back to my pre-noon nap nap. gtg.

the magic window

my name spartacus. right now i'm hangin' out in the living room with my daddy. he's watching that crazy peepole game i tole you about through that magic window i also tole you about.

i don't know if your house has a magic window, but mine does. in case you don't have one, what it is is a window where you can see what's goin' on anywhere in the universe. the first time i noticed it, i was laying on my pillow and i heard a cat meow. when i looked up i saw a cat just outside the window so i raced out my doggie door, but the cat wasn't there. so i thought, "it must be out front" and i ran to the hole in the fence to look in the front, but it wasn't there either.

when i went back to the window the cat was gone and there was a bunch of peepole pups chasing each other around on flying brooms and i thought, "wow! that's awesome!" and i ran outside again. and guess what; no peepole puppies flying around on brooms! i growled.

after i did this about seven or eight times, i realized, wait a minute, this is no regular window here. you can see anything anywhere with it! my fambly calls it a "teevee" which is short for "magic window". you can even change what you see whenever you want to. they do this by using a magic wand which they call a "remote". i know why they call it that; it's cause when they are looking out the magic window they become remote. they just sit there and stare at it for ages and don't talk much although sometimes they laugh at it together. and there i am not playing or eating or anything. i just wait for them to finish.

they have a smaller window in the bedroom which i like better cause when they look out that one, they are in bed and i can lay next to them under the covers.

not long after i discovered the window i lost interest in it. if you're like me, you'd rather be outside chasing cars than sitting there in the living room watching somebody else do it.

although when they're watching it, it's easier to steal food... and tonight they're having pizza... gtg!

the winter of my content

my name spartacus and i'm over it! the snow hasn't died yet. i don't know what the deal is, but i do know that ice is cold. let me tell you, going to the bathroom is not as fun when you're freezing your tail off.

another drag about snow and ice is that it's dang near impossible to find a bone in it. and it's slippery! it's maybe not as bad for us cause we have four wheel drive, but peepole have a little more trouble with it. also, i don't know about you, but my mommy bundled me up so i could walk my daddy and sisters. do you have to put on clothes? i had to wear a hand-me-down baby coat and hood, but what i needed was shoes! so i was humiliated and still cold! i don't know what snow is good for after you've run around in it and dug some holes.

still, even though the cold snow has worn out it's welcome, these last few days have been great cause my fambly has been home for longer than usual and i do like me some fire. my dog house is big enough for my whole fambly and it's warm in here.

here is what my mommy made me wear:

MUSH!

my name spartacus. my whole fambly was home all day today, which was lucky cause it also snowed! so we got to hang out and play in the snow! awesome! it wasn't awesome right away though.

i had forgotten what snow was at first. when my daddy opened the back door for me to go pee, i stepped from the kitchen into the arctic! i stopped, looked down and backed up. whoa! who froze the backyard?! what am i gonna do with all this pee? so daddy put his shoes and coat on and grabbed the leash. good idea! let's try the front! and please hurry! but it was like that out in the front too!

well, put a leash on me and i'll go anywhere. but boy howdy it was cold! for you who might not know, snow is ice that grows in the winter. mostly it grows overnight and then dies after a couple days. and it is cold! this was one time i was glad i didn't have my boys down there anymore cause today they would've froze off anyway.

eventually i got used to it when i went out to play with my sisters. i ran around like a maniac and made everybody laugh. i was runnin' so fast i couldn't stand it! i'm fast. i would be a good sled dog i bet. except my feet get cold.

daddy made a fire in the fireplace (which i think is pretty smart) and, after we played, i chilled by the fire. mommy put my fancy pillow there for me which kinda made up for what she made me do yesterday. oh the humanity!

here's how fast i run:

snow is fun, but it'd be better if it was warm...

the great out-front-doors

my name spartacus. i like to be outside. i don't know about you, but i like it. i like it so much that my daddy put in a doggy door so he wouldn't have to get off the couch so much. i broke two doggy doors so far cause i just get so excited to go outside and then i get excited to come back inside so i run through the door as fast as i can both ways. that way i don't waste any time on either side. when i first got my doggy door i was afraid of it. i didn't know it was a door for me. then one day my cousin, auggie, came over and he goes, "that's crazy!" and he ran right for the door and he ran right through it! and i was like, "awesome!" and i got so excited cause he was so excited that i followed him right through it and now i'm not afraid of my doggy door.

but that's not what i wanted to blog about. i wanted to say yesterday was an awesome day cause i got to be out front and everybody was with me. it was awesome except i didn't get to play catch me. i was tied to the front yard. but that's ok cause i got to watch my sisters play and look at the neighbors who all look suspicious to me.

the only part i didn't like was when i had to sit still for a picture. my daddy would tell me to sit, but i didn't feel like sitting. so then he would say it in his mean voice and push my butt down. so i would sit for a second to make him happy and then get back up and then he would tell me to sit again! sometimes my daddy drives me nuts. so i sat down about 6 or 7 times until they decided that i had sat enough times, i guess, and then i got to go back to my peepole watching.

but the point i wanted to make was; here i am sitting out front on a glorious sunday afternoon enjoying a warm sun and a cool breeze. my sisters are playing, my daddy is piddling, my mommy is snapping and i think to myself... my butt itches...

tell tails; a dog poem

my name spartacus. i know i've talked about my tail before, but i've got a lot of time on my paws. sometimes i write poetry and this is a poem about what makes my tail wag. sumpin you can all relate to...

tell tails

by spartacus

my tail tells a tale

of the feelings i feel

but so you don't think that i'm bragging,

i just want to share

for those who might care

some good things that get my tail wagging

when my fambly comes back

or i'm offered a snack

this triggers my rear-end appendage.

a walk never fails

to set off my tail

even in hurricane windage.

when the can-opener calls

i'm like pavlov's dog

cause my mouth; it gets all slobbery.

when the doorbell rings

into action i spring

and i bark just in case it's a robbery.

a pat on the head

cat under the bed

or sumpin i find awfully smelly.

children at play

on a cool sunny day

and, of course, a good rub on the belly.

sometimes it is sumpin

i didn't see comin'

the surprise of a new found old bone.

but the wag you can't see

is one deep inside me

when we're all safe and sound and at home.

blog day afternoon

my name spartacus. nothing much going on so i'll tell you sumpin about me that i forgot to tell you. i'm a boston terrier/boxer mix. i have a little boxer body and a big boston terrier head. sometimes one of my bottom fangs sticks out and my daddy likes that 'cause he says it makes me look like king kong. i think he means it as a complement.

i'm the baby of the fambly. i'm 28 years old. Honey, my oldest sister, is 77 and in 6th grade. my second older sister, Cookie, is 49 and in 2nd grade. my daddy is 315 and my mommy is 29. nobody knows how old the cat is, but she's just a cat.

i have 5 peepole cousins and 2 dog cousins that i've actually met. i told you about auggie. he's a big awesome gray dog who thinks everything is crazy. my other dog cousin is gigi. she is just a little dog. i mean she is little. the first time i saw her i thought she was a squirrel. can you imagine how excited i was to have a squirrel in the house?! anyway she is little. my cat is even bigger than her. she doesn't know she's a dog and she hates my guts. i think she's awesome.

i'm an inside dog, but i'd rather be outside unless it's raining. i won't even go pee if it's raining. i like car rides. my favorite foods are everything except candy and vegetables. i get in trouble for half the things i put in my mouth, but my only real vice is stealing food. i can't help it. i'll risk any consequence. it's a sickness really.

well that about covers it. some stuff i've already talked about and this is starting to cut into my mid-morning nap. gtg.

full contact fetch

my name spartacus. my daddy is looking through the magic window (more on the magic window in another blog) at a peepole game where these big lumpy guys run into each other and fall down. the only part of the game i understand is that they are trying to get a ball. i get that. that's another game i like; when my daddy and i fight over a ball.

now i don't bite, but once when we were playing too ruff (sorry) i accidentally bit his, um, little champion (i try to keep this blog fambly friendly in case puppies read it). i thought i was in trouble until i saw my sisters laughing.

now i know how to incapacitate an adult male peepole. pass that along to your friends.

so my daddy rolled around a bit and that was my chance to jump on him and run away. and i did. needless to say, he didn't want to play anymore (so i clearly won), but he never even yelled at me or anything this time. i think because Honey and Cookie told him not to get mad at me and that it was actually his fault! my sisters are an awesome buffer for me sometimes.

maybe the peepole game will get daddy in the mood to play. i'm gonna go find a ball! or a shoe! gtg!

i stink, therefore i am

my name spartacus. i like the way i smell right now. that's usually about the time they give me a bath. i don't like taking a bath, but i'm a good boy once they get me in there. they trick me by calling me from the bathroom. i don't know about you, but i always come when i'm called; 'specially to the bathroom. you can find the most awesome smells in there!

i always come when i'm called - that is - unless i've somehow gotten out the front door and i'm playing "chase me". i love playing "chase me" with my daddy cause have you ever seen an angry old man chasing a happy young dog? it's hilarious! i'm awesome at it, but usually the game will end with more of their trickery. mommy will pull up near me in the van, open the door and call me. at that point the only thing happening in my brain is, "car ride!" and there's nothing i can do. i'm toast. game over.

this isn't fair and i don't think it should be allowed in the game. if we didn't get to use our brains, i'd win every time.

what was i talking about? Honey is calling me to the bathroom! AWESOME! GTG!

happy tails

my name spartacus. i am happy. i'm always happy; even when i'm sad. right now mommy is asleep cause she's sick. i'm staying close to her to make her feel better. so i'm sad that she's sick, but i'm happy to be with her and help her. i'm happy though my tail isn't wagging gggg gggg gggg gggg ggggggg ggggggg. sorry. i had an itch and i don't know how to erase on the computer. so yeah, otherwise you can see i'm happy by my tail. i feel sorry for the peepole who don't have a tail. having a tail is awesome! it's very expressive. i don't just wag when i'm excited or 'cause sumpin is awesome or to say hello. sometimes my wag is an awkward smile; sometimes it's embarrassment or guilt; sometimes it's hopeful. but it's always cause i'm happy cause i'm pretty much always happy.

of course that's just me. my parents don't make me fight or keep me tied up or anything. the most i get is whack on the snout from daddy for having a bit of fun with the litter box. i don't see what the problem is. it's a win/win if you ask me. daddy doesn't have to deal with cleaning the litter box and i get a treat. it's a delicacy really. but i dogress. get it? um where was i?

so whether i wag my tail apologetically or cause i'm playing with my awesome sisters, it's always cause i'm happy. and remember; if you ever find yourself MY AWESOME SISTERS ARE HOME!!!! GTG!!

here is a picture of the litter box:

peepole are awesome!

my name spartacus. i'm a good boy. i live with four awesome peepole who are awesome and a cat who is awesome. she is just like one of the fambly. i have two sisters who are awesome cause they always leave food within reach. my mommy calls me her handsome boy and daddy yells at me all the time. it's awesome.

anyway, my mommy started a blog and, after i figured out it wasn't something to eat, i decided to start one too. a dog blog for dogs! awesome! i say "awesome" when sumpin is awesome. some dogs say, "insane" or "wicked" or "crazy". I say "awesome". my cousin, auggie, says, "that's crazy!" like i'll tell him my fambly came back home again today and he'll say, "that's crazy! mine did too!" and then we'll run around some more.

i don't know 'bout you, but when my fambly comes home i flip out. i can't help it. each time your peepole leave, you assume it's forever, right? so when they come back after a few days (time is very complicated and hard to understand. as far as i can tell, they are usually gone for-EVER and then come back later that day after a few weeks or maybe even days of dog knows what.) i'm so happy to see them i just go a little nuts. i wag my tail wrecklessly, i grab the nearest shoe and walk around aimlessly while wimpering with joy. in short, i lose all sense of self respect and humiliate myself. finally i calm down enough for an ear rub or some hugs and kisses.

but that's not what i was gonna tell you. i should warn you that sometimes my mind tends to randomly wander; i'm a dog. i just wanted to say that i think peepole are awesome! you see my peepole got me out of a cage and took me home one day. now instead of living in alone in a cold cage awaiting my fate, i'm in a nice warm house getting my belly rubbed on a regular basis. you see what i mean?

well i enjoyed blogging you and...THE DOORBELL!!! GTG!

p.s. there's a perfectly good tree in the living room and i'm not allowed to pee on it. here's a picture of it...